Inner Landscapes

An inner landscape artist.  Is there such a term?  Because I get flummoxed when I have to describe what I do.  Author, facilitator, life coach, healer – these are some of the terms I use lightly.  To try and keep it brief.  But the truth is that I do little other than tending to my inner landscape.

I lovingly go around tilling the soil and allowing it to breathe.  I remove the hardened rocks of pain, the shards of shattered dreams and the pieces of heart walls that may yet remain.   I clear the straggling weeds of worry and persistent runners of anxiety, acknowledging that their time is up now.  I thank them for filling my landscape and distracting me when I had little else.  Now, I thoughtfully plant the flowers that bring colour and fragrance to my world.  I patiently tend to the saplings of trees that sometimes take years to bear fruit or offer shade.  I marvel at the fanciful butterflies and singing birds that these bring.

I lie down on the grassy meadows whose warm texture of earth and grass nurture the spinning of fresh worlds.  Idly I watch the clear blue skies and occasionally build or zap clouds for the fun of knowing I can.  I meander along the babbling brook –all the while realizing that its song comes from the obstructions it surmounts.  I rest my feet in the cold, sparkling water of life, knowing that it constantly changes.  Constantly reinvents itself and it’s path.   I follow the stream to the inevitable ocean, where I can spend hours listening to the soothing waves ebb and flow in their natural grace.

And in this peaceful inner world, that welcomes all – breeze and storms alike – I invite others.  I introduce them to the space of light. Of this freedom to be.  To taste and smell and feel the richness of the tapestry that we together weave.  And ever so often, they relax back into themselves.  They discern between the noise in the world, and their true heart song.  They imbibe the nourishment that can only come from meeting the moment, the here and the now.  And once they are well accustomed to their own vibe, they leave.  Sometimes to return for another rest, sometimes for a celebration.  Sometimes to grieve the loss of what they never wanted to let go of.

Eventually, they too find their own inner worlds.  And begin to enjoy their garden of loving serenity.  So now they return to exchange notes or share snapshots of their beautiful creations. Once in a while, inviting me to share their new horizons.

And we smile with shared happiness and remain rooted in peace.

Poems: Paradoxical Learnings

First published on FB on Monday, August 31, 2009 at 1:14pm

When you accept what you resist
You can completely let it go

When you choose to forgive
You realize you hurt no more

When you learn to enjoy aloneness
You start to value togetherness

When you allow yourself to fly freely
You begin to love the feel of earth

When given choice and freedom
You find commitment is preferred

When you explore who you don’t want to be
You allow your true self to emerge

When you have claimed your power
You are willing to surrender it without a word

When you practice discipline
You understand the relevance of free flow

When you stop seeking answers outside
You realize you already Know

Facing the Storms

That which we run from – chases us.

Uncomfortable situations, tasks, conversations and emotions are often avoided.  We either run away from them, or wish they will go away.  If nothing else, we hope that they may magically resolve on their own, as with time – most things tend to sort themselves out.  Right?  Not necessarily true in all cases.

If we can find the courage to dive deeply into exactly that which we wish to avoid – we find that it soon loses its sting.  We are amazingly adaptable beings and if we give our self the chance, our reactions can soon be moderated by facing the challenge squarely in the eye. But when ignored, threats to our comfort zone actually turn into limiting walls which prevent us from achieving our full potential.

A simple example is the amount of energy that gets trapped by guilt caused by procrastination.  This blog post started as a consequence of noticing how much ease and freedom I am experiencing from having gotten around to preparing my tax returns.  Despite being well qualified and adept in financial matters, that is still one of my least favourite tasks.  As I now sit back in satisfaction, having faced what I had been avoiding (for weeks) – I am reminded of the many different contexts in which I have noticed this message. Here are some diverse examples:

• If you have ever gone swimming in cold waters, you will agree that it is far easier to plunge in, rather than testing the temperature with your toes.

• In an autobiography of a forensic doctor, he mentions how the best way to deal with the stench of dead bodies is not to cover your nose, but instead, to take a deep whiff of the odour!  Apparently, the smell sense desensitizes after receiving this initial, powerful odour and he found he could then continue to work without distraction.

• A less dramatic and more graded treatment commonly used to treat phobias (in cognitive behavioural therapy) is systematic desensitization or exposure therapy. Herein, the person is gradually exposed to increasing levels of what he or she fears in a safe and controlled manner.  A substantial proportion of persons respond to this line of treatment.

• NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) uses a process to release strong emotions or beliefs, in which the person is asked to assume the ‘Cook’s Hook-up’ position and is then given the command to “Feel it as strongly as you can, as clearly as you can, until you just can’t feel it anymore”.  While having the person dive deeply into the feeling, this statement and position enable release.

• In an inspiring book “I’d rather laugh:  How to be happy even when life has other plans”, Linda Richman suggests throwing yourself a “Pity Party”.  She describes how she sat in Shiva (mourning) for twice the traditional period when her young son died.  She did not feel she had gone through all her emotions.   Linda’s idea of a “pity party” is to stay in bed, stay miserable, watch sad movies, cry and so forth – until you just can’t do it anymore.  And after a point, you cannot.   Once she had acknowledged and lived her grief fully, she could recover.  But how many of us have that much faith in our own resilience?  To accept and allow what we are feeling so thoroughly – that we can finally arrive at a subsequent peace?

• The Buddhist practice of Tonglen advises us to “Breath in Pain, Breathe out Joy”.  Pema Chodron’s site explains this beautifully.  My own experience and understanding of this practise has deepened over the years and I find Tonglen to be a wonderful way of dealing with any worry.

• Personally, I believe that one of the significant contributors to the efficacy of tools like EFT, TAT and dynamind is the fact that they allow the feelings and situation to be described as it is.  You do not have to jump into any positive statements that you do not believe, but can fully express everything – just the way it is in the moment.  This provides an immense freedom from feelings that have been denied or suppressed up to this point.

• The fundamental fear of death can be a significant influence on the choices we make.  It is not uncommon for persons who have had to face this fear due to illness, accident or some form of Near Death Experience, to celebrate life far more fully than before.

To conclude, perhaps the most direct route to inner peace is found by braving our way through the storms, rather than trying to navigate around them.

After all, the rainbow comes after the rains.

Related articles:  Breathe in Pain, Breathe Out Joy, Sparkling Stillness

Finding the way home

Finding my way to “Inner Peace” with Kung Fu Panda and friends turned out to be more entertaining then I had expected.  My sister was using her Navigator to help her with driving instructions.  I am more accustomed to using Google Maps and studying the directions beforehand.  So this constant interaction with the Navigator was most interesting.

Despite the monotonous voice, the ‘Lady’ seemed to have a mind of her own.  Her instructions sounded firm and one had the feeling that disobeying her would lead to dire consequences.  Every time we ignored her suggestions, there would be urgent cries for correction.  As the turns were ignored, there were sulky announcements that she was ‘recalculating’.  She would come back with a set of new instructions and every few metres there would be a fresh warning that we needed to turn.  It soon became a cat and mouse game – wherein I was now seeing this unknown person as a character that could be teased.  You could literally push her buttons by making unplanned detours.  This would leave the ‘Lady’ troubled and confused.  Resolutely, she would return with a fresh set of instructions and the more chaos I created, the more frequent were her warnings.  Now her nagging and repeated instructions were beginning to annoy me.  So I finally put the device on mute.  But after completing a few errands, the mischievous temptation to trouble the device returned.  I was beginning to miss this Lady that I had created in my head.  When I got back in the car, the silence was noticeable. As though I had finally won in this game of advice and disobedience and caused a gloom to descend on this helpful Lady.  This result was not very enjoyable.    So I gave the Lady her voice back.  For a while we followed her directions and the thought came that she was recovering her composure.  This perception was hilarious, but nevertheless – almost believable.  The voice seemed more even and the instructions more spaced out.  Then at one juncture we took an unmapped bridge and she began crying out ‘Drive on the highlighted road’ in what sounded like a panic stricken voice.

Laughingly, I finally ended the whole drama and switched off the Navigator.

This is exactly what we do in life.

We project our own stories on another and create a complete character and drama that is entirely based on our own perceptions.  I was able to give this  monotonous, artificially generated voice a whole personality effortlessly.  I could imagine her trials and her relief with equal ease.   Her temperament was read as bossy, efficient, sulky, troublesome, concerned or helpful – all as per my interpretation of her ‘reaction’ to my choices.

All this while – knowing fully well that this was simply a game and that too one that I was playing with a piece of artificial intelligence.  My choices were simply generating effects which were being spelled out by a neutral voice.  But  I was taking this response personally and attributing qualities to the voice.

No wonder our life dramas are so much more complex and engaging.  Wherein we are completely lost in the stories we have created and can totally lose track of our contribution to the whole scenario.  We are unable to see any hope for change, because we have not learned to recognize the sound of the voice in our head.  We become victims in dramas that pack in so much noise, that one forgets to look for the mute button.

Pause.

Listen with discernment.

Look again.

The road to the Sparkling Stillness within each of us becomes apparent only when we slow down enough to see it.

Really Short Stories: Saving Grace

“But he has completed his work!” Pacing around with her cellphone stuck to her ear, Shalini was exhausted.  She weakly concluded the call. “There is nothing more I can say.  Your conscience will speak up some day.  God help you to live with your self.”

Neha rushed up to hug her.  Mother and daughter quietly sobbed from all the week’s misery.  The maid continued sweeping the floor, being as unobtrusive as possible.  But she could not help overhearing Neha’s insistent questions.

“When will dad be home mama?  What do the doctors say?  Was it the doctor?”

She was silenced by the ringing phone.  With a sigh Shalini faced the same questions.  “He is still critical.  He is in the I.C.U. .   Yes, I know… the hospital has been calling me.  I have to arrange for funds  by evening.  The deposit has run out…  I don’t know Anish!  I don’t know where to get the money.  In seven days, all the savings are gone.”  She listened silently with growing frustration as the caller gave her unwanted advice.  “Yes, you are right.  We should have been more careful.  Yes, we don’t have any business sense and we are naive to believe in people.  Does that make you happy?”

She shook her head as she received even more admonitions.  Eventually she shouted, “Yes!  You were right!  The partners have turned out to be con-men!  They think Manish will be dead tomorrow so they aren’t paying up his dues.  Manish and I were foolish to believe it’s a fair world.  To believe that when you are good, others are good with you!  I was wrong alright!  How is this helping Anish?  Can you give me fifty thousand by 4 pm?  Because if you can’t, then I don’t want to waste my time hearing about how impractical we are.  I have no time for this!  I have no energy, I have no faith – right now Anish – I have no hope of seeing my husband alive tomorrow. So unless you can help me, spare me!”

Shalini threw the cell across the room.  Seeing Neha’s terrified face, she felt even more miserable.  Hugging her tightly, Neha cried to her, “ You can have the fifty rupees from my angelbank Ma.  Don’t worry.  Haven’t you always said we are looked after?”  Shalini nodded absently as the maid took her leave, torn between despair and awe over Neha’s reaction.

The minutes ticked away and so did Shalini’s hopes.  All the calls were in vain.

When the doorbell rang at 3.00 pm, she was eyeing her gold wedding ring and wondering how much she would get for it.

She opened the door to find her maid handing her an envelope wordlessly.

“What is this?”

“The fifty thousand you had lent me two months ago.”

 “But… how could you?  Where did you get it?   You said it would take you two years to repay this!”

The maid shyly replied, “Don’t worry.  It is yours. Right now you need it more than me.  I borrowed it from another employer.” .

As Neha clung to her, Shalini smiled through her tears.

“You have not given me back my money.  You have restored my faith.  In God.  In life.  In people.  I can never thank you enough.”

Neha smiled happily, “Didn’t I remind you?  We are always taken care of!”

Poems: Change of Seasons

The evening routine of walk and play

Disturbed dramatically by a sudden wave

Of rain and wind – an unexpected storm

Leaving some exclaiming, ‘All is wrong!’

The weather is untrustworthy

Life is unsafe.

Their clothes are wet, the exercise is through

They want to get home and feel safe

But others turn their faces heavenwards

And smell the fragrance of rain

Wet earth, trees and leaves

Sighing in synchronous gains

Of fresh life, new love

And laughter unrestrained

The rains are here –

It is time to celebrate.

While the adults scramble for cover

The children jump eagerly into the mud pool

I watch it all with a sense of wonder,

How many different points of view!

The protective mother drags her baby to the car

The seniors reach for their umbrellas

Some smile and others wave

Silent recognition

Of the season’s change

Each one moves on in their own way

Poems: Home Free

I used to miss the sound of the ocean

Until I heard the leaves rustling in the breeze

I used to remember the salty smell of the sea

Until the fragrance of wet earth captivated me

I used to long for the sands that the tide pulled out from under my feet

Until the aged rocks on the hillside firmly supported me

Now, no matter where I go

Mountains or beaches

I am home

I am free

Really Short Stories: Time for Change?

He began, “I am terribly upset.  My boss is impossible.  It is time.  I must change jobs.”

She softly asked, “Do you really want to change?”

Taking the question as disapproval, he justified himself, “I do the best I can, but it’s never good enough.  I feel I should quit.”

Her silence was discomfiting.  Dropping the complaining tone, he became defensive.

“I was late for the meeting.  So I rushed through the presentation.  That didn’t work very well.”

 Still there was no comment.  He hastened to add, “I was late because the car was punctured.  It got late last night, and there was no way I could take care of it then, so….”

As he trailed off, he realized that his mid-week party had not been a good idea.  He could have put in a better effort on the slides, if he had not been in a rush to leave for the opposite end of town last evening.

Speaking as though he had said all this aloud, he explained himself. “It was my classmate’s surprise birthday party.  The one I have talked about before – the celebrity singer.  My friends don’t understand why I have to work so late.  They are all doing well.  Losing my father early caused a gap in my education.  And then the break between the last job and this one.  People don’t recognize how my personal problems damaged my career.”  He scowled bitterly and reflexively shot a guilty glance towards her.

Though she did not reply, he had heard from her often enough in the past.  So with a sigh, he spoke for her:  “Yes, I know.  All that was a long time back.  I can choose to carry that complaint forever.  Or move on without making it an excuse every time something goes wrong.”

He felt helpless now.  “Even if I were to do that, it doesn’t change the truth isn’t it?  I am nothing compared to others from my class.  I keep trying.  But it can never happen.”

He looked up in frustration as a memory flashed before his eyes.  “I have known this for years.  Right since that day in school, when I slipped and lost the relay race for my team.  All the abuses I received!  Everyone told me how I would always slip up when it matters most.  And they were right!”  Tears of pain and helplessness filled his eyes as he repeated to her: “They were so right! I have been proving them right again and again.”

He looked down to wipe his tears and mumbled again, “I have been proving them right again and again.”

He looked up startled by his own words and for the first time, her face showed some expression.  The quizzically raised eyebrow and a quiet smile confirmed his profound insight.

 “I have been proving them right!  I believed them and so all my life I have done nothing but expected to fail.  To struggle.  To slip up when it really matters! To make poor choices like I did last night.  A voice inside me always says ‘Why bother? You know how this will end.’”

He shook his head in amazement.  “Does this mean I can change it all?” he asked her.  Fresh hope and courage flowed into him.

With sparkling eyes, he smiled as she asked him once again, “Do you really want to change?”

Stepping Out of the Cage (With an EFT script)

I have seen that a growing number of people are now weary of playing the role of ‘a victim’.  There are many who are willing, able and committed to shifting their perspective to an empowered, evolved approach.  They now wish to reclaim their own power and wholeness.

The ‘blame game’ does nothing but make you feel powerless and sorry for your self.  While it does allow you to label another as the perpetrator/tormentor, it only keeps you trapped in the victim’s role.  If you want to end this story of suffering, you have to be willing to let go of being the victim.  You have to be willing to stop blaming the other.  If you can liberate one from the role – you automatically free the other as well.

For many, this awareness and understanding is in itself liberating, and has enabled them to take giant strides in the expression of their authentic selves.  By default –  at heart – we are all whole, complete, peaceful and joyful.  But as we get entrapped in the stories we have woven into our lives, it is sometimes necessary to take the support of tools like EFT to clear the cobwebs that still tie us down.  EFT can efficiently clear stubborn images, cellular memories, limiting beliefs and energetic disruptions that make our freedom seem challenging, if not completely impossible.

I recently wrote a script for a client that addresses the issue of stepping out of the role of a victim.  Sharing this EFT script here so that more people can benefit.   Do try it out and share your feedback.

The following assumes that you are familiar with Emotional Freedom Techniques.   You can refer to the one pager to get started and if you find it useful, you can always find more material on the net.  For a more thorough understanding, you may want to get hold of my book ‘Emotional Freedom Techniques’.

I am using the Short Cut here (not the Basic Recipe given in the one-pager).

So take out a couple of minutes for yourself, drink a glass of water and lets tap our way out of the victim’s role:

Karate Chop:           Even though I don’t want to

                                      Leave the story behind

                                      Perhaps it is time

Eyebrow:                  To examine the benefits of letting go

Side of the Eye:      Of my favourite old role, and all of this kind

Under the Eye:       Because behind that sorry picture

Under the Nose:    Of victimization and despair

Chin:                          Is the true me

Colllarbone:            Waiting to share

Under the Arm:     The ease of being who I AM

Top of Head:            Loving and carefree

Karate Chop:          Completely unfettered by history

                                     Someone who has risen

                                    Above the drama and control

Eyebrow:                Transcended the need to be

Side of the Eye:    The persona who holds

Under the Eye:      Others responsible for the state of my life

Under the Nose:    And is willing to accept the responsibility

Chin:                          Of making my own choice

Collarbone:             I give myself permission to release these cellular memories

Under the Arm:     And to now express the light and love

Top of Head:            That is my natural state of being

Karate Chop:           To see every so called tormentor

                                      As a friend in this game

                                      Of learning and growth

Eyebrow:                  Experience and adventure

Side of the Eye:      Only another character

Under the Eye:       With no personal axe to grind

Under the Nose:     Just another soul friend

Chin:                           Who has helped me find

Collarbone:              The ability to forgive and move on

Under the Arm:      Living in love, being kind

Top of Head:            Knowing that at the end of every tunnel

                                      Light is always there

Karate Chop:           I know who to be

                                      Without this story

                                      And I no longer need to stay in this trap

Eyebrow:                  Of identifying with the role

Side of the Eye:      No matter how seductive and distracting

Under the Eye:       The drama that unfolds

Under the Nose:     My intention is now focused

Chin:                            To rising above it all

Collarbone:               Restoring my soul to

Under the Arm:       Heeding it’s divine call

Top of Head:              Being a loving channel of blessings and grace

                                        Whole and complete, Vibrant and unafraid

Take a deep breath and sit in silence for a few moments.  Notice how you feel.   If required, repeat the whole script a couple of times more.  If there is no noticeable shift, then you may need more advanced techniques as are outlined in my book.  But if you notice even a small shift, then I recommend daily tapping of this script until you feel fully free.

May this help you to Be  -  who you truly are

All my good wishes!

7 Milestones

1. Life is against me.
2. Life is meaningless.
3. Life means something.  But I don’t know what it means.
4. Life means something.   I know it, but I don’t like it.
5. Life is meaningful.
6. Life supports me.

7.  Life just Is.