Embracing Change (EFT Script)

One of my readers wrote in requesting for an EFT script to cope with change.  So before I share the script I wrote in response to that request, I felt it relevant to share one my recent poems from FB here:

Sometimes we pretend to ourselves
That we are waiting for someone or something
That everlasting joy will be ours then.

But, the truth is our happiness is here.
And we don’t really want anything to change
Neither us, nor our circumstance.

For with all that we want
to run from
There is also much
That which we don’t wish to end.

It is like that in a dualistic world.
Light and darkness
Always go hand in hand.

The truth is that our motivations and interests are often conflicting and or confused.  Hence, this script begins from that internal push and pull, and then move towards a greater ease and coherence that comes from us stepping out of deep identification with the persona and drama of our life.

In keeping with the subject, I have changed the formatting of the script:)  It assumes your familiarity with EFT(Emotional Freedom Techniques) – so please tap repetitive cycles through the Short-Cut points (Karate Chop, Eyebrow, Side of the Eye, Under the Eye, Under the Nose, Chin, Collarbone, Under the Arms, Top of the Head) as you read the statements. Repeat a couple of rounds of the script in this manner, and let me know how you feel.

(You can download EFT in one page here if required.  For a more detailed understanding of EFT, you can get my book – Emotional Freedom Techniques.)

land art

Even though I say,
I want things to change
I find myself reluctant to let go
Old habits, emotions, thoughts and patterns
Have me locked in their hold.
However challenging, upsetting or disappointing it may have been
However wonderful, enlightening and energising:
Whatever it was, it was known.
And it is hard to surrender the comfort of familiarity
For a leap into the undefined, unexplored, unseen, unknown.

But a part of me realises
That things have already changed.
I am neither who I was before
Nor is anything or anyone around me exactly the same.
Transience and transformation occur
Whether or not we flow…
It is in our hands to adapt and accelerate
Or argue, lament, struggle, refuse.

Doing the same old things
Reacting in the same old ways:
The time for that is done now
And I am willing to make headway
In being a little less rigid, a little less unsure
A little less fearful, a little more secure
To learn afresh, to experiment anew
To do what I have never done before
To be even more than I imagined I could
One step at a time, is all it takes
To discover new terrains and routes.

So I choose to release the past
Of insisting that it must intact remain
I appreciate and thank what was
As I welcome the new all the same
In this present moment
I surrender all games:
All my conscious and unconscious methods
Of proving or disproving
My cherished beliefs to date.

What if the future looks nothing like the past?
Isn’t it time to make a fresh start?

With a beginner’s mind, I see clearly again.
Without any historical perceptions weighing me down
I am no longer trapped, constricted or contained…
The dream begins to lose its hold
Joy, ease and peace awake.

Who do I choose to be now?
What new adventures will now commence?
I decide to greet their arrival
With a relaxed smile on my face…
For I now remind myself
That who I truly am
Through even the most radical change:
Untouched remains
And on this dramatic stage of life
I simply play out a fresh role
Rewritten,
To suit what I now wish
To experience, express and portray.

There are many more articles and scripts relevant to this subject that can be found by using the search box on the top right of the page. 

Many of us are struggling with radical changes in major aspects of our life right now.  If you feel this useful, please do share with others.  

 

Image: Land Art by Andy Goldsworthy

 

Accepting Rejection

Rejection is something that we all experience from time to time. Some secretly believe they face it more than others, but it is actually quite universal.

The rejection I speak of is not limited to the heartbreaks of romantic liaisons.  It is the message interpreted from a parent’s dissatisfaction with your grades(despite your best efforts), their unavailability, or their judgement of your friends.  It is not getting an invitation to a classmate’s party or bearing the brunt of too much teasing/bullying. It is the aloofness of someone close or their constant reprimands.

Exclusion from a sports team, the job we didn’t get, the assignment we were refused, the book one couldn’t get published or that didn’t sell, or the entrepreneurial venture one was unable to fund – these can all add to our personal testaments to our secret sense of unworthiness.

Our reaction to all this is based on our interpretation of such events, and not necessarily the facts: The common conclusion being that who we are, or what we offer is unwanted, unloved or unacceptable.

Being rejected wounds. It hurts our self-esteem, creates self-doubts, and more often than not, leads to defensive measures such as attack or withdrawal. So we may end up criticizing, dismissing or arguing with what has come our way. Or we may end up contracting, judging ourselves (and the other), and sometimes even giving up.  The last one can cost us heavily.

A decision to no longer offer of ourselves, or honestly request what we would like – out of the fear of rejection – can result in an inauthentic, disgruntled life, and a waste of potential. 

On the other hand, when we becoming more willing to experience the discomfort of rejection, even welcome it, it makes us freer to be ourselves, to experiment, to learn, to adventure and to grow.  It dissolves our indulgence in untested, unproductive fantasies – for now, we are willing to take our boats out to sea and test them in the waters, learn from trial and error.

How many dreams are you actually forsaking by your unwillingness to accept a ‘no’?
How much would change if you could receive rejection, criticism and failure,
just the same as acceptance, praise and success?
Without making any of these significant or definitive of who you be? 

As is with most issues, the fundamental reason rejection seems so crippling is our tendency to take it personally. To let the rejection define us instead of seeing it as a temporary experience.  It triggers our basic fears of ‘not being good enough’, ‘not belonging’,  and the original wound of separation(from Source). All sense of objectivity, rationality and moderation can be lost. We end up feeling abandoned, isolated, and lonely.

What if you could view rejection as a pointer to a different route?
One more apt for you at this time?

fork in the road_Fotor

So how can we reframe rejection ?  Instead of trapping ourselves into a resigned or self-pitying state, reminding ourselves of the following can be helpful:

  1. This is neither permanent nor a definition of who you are.   Who you are is simply experiencing this.  You can choose not to see it as a setback but as an opportunity for change. And not receiving the love, validation or approval that you were seeking here does not imply that you are not worthy of it, nor that you will forever be denied the same.  If anything, it is a check to remind us to be kinder, more forgiving and accepting of ourselves.
  2. What we are seeking may not be a match to what is in our highest interest at this point:  Whether it be a relationship or circumstance, what we desire comes from our limited experience and understanding. In hindsight, we often find that what we mourned as denied to us turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  Everything comes with its pros and cons and while we are busy fixating on what we missed out on, we may fail to see the price we were saved.
  3. One may not be ready: Receiving feedback, criticism or refusal objectively can provide us gems of insights.  We may need to study/practise more, or need more exposure, or learn to be more accommodating, or set better boundaries,  or be less clingy… being willing to accept such information and working on doing the needful can lead to our own evolution and growth.  Self-acceptance and self-forgiveness does not imply stagnation.  It means a more realistic and kinder approach. Then, what you were refused today may be yours tomorrow – when you are prepared enough.
  4. The other may not be ready:  Sensing the potential in a partnership, situation or project, we may have offered or requested something that our targetted audience does not yet see, or sees, but is not yet ready for.
  5. It is not yet time:  Even if you are meant to be with that person, get that promotion, make a difference with your NGO, or have that box-office movie success – things may simply be cooking yet.  No seed transforms into a flowering tree before its time. Perhaps all that is required is patience.

The lessons we learn from being on the receiving end can also serve as pointers to kinder and truer ways of turning others down.   The cliched “It’s not you, it’s me.” rarely rings true and can often seem condescending.  At a deeper level, it is still making things personal – we are targeting the blame and invoking guilt in ourselves, if not the other. Bearing in mind points 1-5 above, we can do our best to communicate our rejection in a way that simply acknowledges the current mismatch of things.  How it lands is in the recipient’s hands.  But, we can at least ensure that we have not turned this into an intentional or accidental personal attack to the best of our abilities.

As always, I write from personal experience.  Having had my fair share of rejections on both the personal and work front, I have found the above approach to have been useful and liberating. I find that the greater my comfort with facing rejection, the more authentic and explorative I have become. There is a lightness and ease that is not there when one is resisting rejection.

Drawing on this experience, I have helped many sensitive and artistic people address this subject.  Here is a link to some clearings that I had recorded for one such client.  Perhaps some of you, especially those in the creative fields, may find them helpful:  Listen here.

If you find any of this useful, please share it on.  The more of us singing our own song uninhibitedly, the more joyful the world becomes.

 

Image: Google Plus

‘Life Amusement Theme Park’: Travel Information.

Welcome!

  1. Essential supplies– Include a sense of humor, tissues and eyeglass cleaners.
  2. Know that it is impossible to cover all of this vast and diverse terrain in a single trip.
  3. The landscape is changing all the time.  Your choices and actions also contribute to this change.
  4. Routinely consult a map to understand your current position and reorient yourself.
    (Updated, local area maps are available at all pit stops.)
  5. Whether long, short, direct, winding, easy, or difficult, all roads eventually lead home. 
  6. Expect to feel pain at times. Design excellence ensures that this discomfort feels real and true. It is an essential component of the acclaimed reward-punishment matrix. (But be assured that at the end of your journey, you will find you actually came through unscathed.)
  7. You may proceed at a pace of your choice.
  8. Different routes will appeal to different individuals. To each his own.
  9. You are free to experience as much as you can, or as little as you want.
    (Cautionary Note:  Some popular attractions can be captivating. High Drama, Romcom, Monopoly, History Repeats, Gurudom and Lost are addictive rides and may consume all your time and attention.)
  10. You are free to change direction and speed at any time. However, consequences of these changes are non-negotiable: costs and benefits are both to be borne in full.
  11. Co-travellers are free to part ways, as also to regroup.
  12. Mirrors are present everywhere for your convenience. Simply pause if you wish to reflect.
  13. Speed breakers are in place to remind you to slow down, enjoy the scenery and smell the flowers.
  14. When the nights are darkest, the light shines the brightest.  Look to the skies for highlighted signs.
  15. Travel logs are optional. Your observations and reviews may be curated for those seeking travel assistance.
  16. Innumerable treasures have been hidden in obvious sight. Be attentive or you will miss these.
  17. Frequently, you will encounter forks in the road. Rely on your subjective inner navigation programs at such times. (Integrating these with your personal value system is helpful in ensuring optimal functioning.)
  18. Befriend your shadow. It never leaves your side, hints at your true immenseness and points back towards the light Source.
  19. Dive into your experience fully and whole-heartedly.  This mind-body will pass through just this once.
  20. Help-lines are open at all times.  Ask and you shall receive. (The messenger may be different from what you expect, but the answer arrives.)
  21. This beautiful place is nothing if not unpredictable.
    Hence, some or none of the above may apply.

Enjoy the rides, surf the waves and leave the world a better place!

explore (1)

From Suffering To Lightness – An EFT Script For Pain

Suffering, says Shinzen Young(a Buddhist teacher), is our pain multiplied by our resistance to the same.  

I feel this to be true. In Facing the StormsI gave diverse examples of the benefits of stepping into uncomfortable feelings. With this post, I invite you to not only turn and meet the pain head on – but to also allow it without any resistance. The subtle difference here is to shift from a defiant, confrontational energy to a mindful, receptive one.

What we resist, persists.  The defensive energy of fighting with pain, whether it be physical or emotional in nature, creates tension, contraction and its own consequences within our mind and body. Our defensiveness reinforces our identification with the limited mind-body and the pain, creating further suffering.

Our true, expanded state needs neither protection nor repair. A gentle acceptance of things the way they are arises easily when we are rooted in our true nature.

However, the experience of pain is real. It cannot and should not be denied.  When identified with the pain, all non-duality concepts seem to be just that – concepts.  But when we are able to find the courage to allow the pain, slowly but surely, we start connecting with that part of us which is always at peace – regardless of the state of body or outer circumstances. 

This understanding is particularly helpful in long-standing situations such as chronic disease or close, difficult relationships.  Here, though This Too Shall Pass – change may be slow in coming, and the pain could be repetitive and intense.

A simple way to see if this approach works for you is this:  When another episode of emotional/physical pain turns up, sit quietly and focus on your breathing.  Imagine as though you are breathing in and out of your heart.  Next imagine the pain is represented by the image of an immense lake of liquid light.  Now visualize yourself gradually immersing deeper and deeper into this lake.  It may initially seem intimidating and overwhelming, with the surface being dark and choppy.  But know that as you go deeper, the waters begin to feel stiller, lighter and reassuring.  Right at the bottom, below all the intensity – you will reach a peaceful place.  This visualization works astonishingly well for me, but then I love water:)

Alternatively, the EFT(Emotional Freedom Techniques) script below should help most people. EFT is remarkably effective during acute episodes of pain.  I often used it as the first demonstration in EFT workshops, because it’s easier for people to notice the change in pain than in their emotions.  While results differ, EFT has almost always given a significant benefit.

This script goes beyond addressing the acute, obvious symptoms.  Even in the midst of pain, it assists in taking us back home.  I wrote this for a client only a few days back and subsequently shared it with a few others. The positive feedback has me posting it here, hoping that many more will benefit.  If it works for you, please do share it with others.

(You can download EFT in one page here if required.  For a more detailed understanding of EFT, you can get my book – Emotional Freedom Techniques.)

Peace Be With You!

Karate Chop     Even though I have this pain, I release all resistance to it now
Karate Chop     Even though I have this pain, I release all argument with it now
Karate Chop     Even though I have this pain, I release the need for it to go away now

Eyebrow                All the meaning I have attached to this pain
Side of the eye    All the significance I have given this pain
Under the eye     All that I fear will follow this pain
Under the nose   All the dread of what I expect next
Chin                       All the anxiety of this pain becoming worse
Collarbone           All the panic of this pain staying on forever
Under the arm    All the reasons I feel I don’t deserve this pain
Top of the Head  All the ways in which I believe and prove that pain is inevitable

Karate Chop         All the known and unknown ways in which I am inviting, creating or                                              perpetuating this pain, I release dissolve and let go now
Karate Chop         I release all fixed points of view around this pain
Karate Chop         I give myself permission to allow things to be as they are now

Eyebrow                 For just this minute, I relax.
Side of the eye     For just this minute, I breathe.
Under the eye      For just this minute, I welcome it all.
Under the nose   For just this minute, I let life lead.
Chin                        For just a little while, I rest.
Collarbone            For just a little while, let all thoughts cease.
Under the arm     For a little while, whether pain is present,
Top of the head   Or goes absent, I choose peace.

(Drink water and repeat a few rounds if required.)

12568870_1192895860740342_2030604197_n

Photo Credit: Tanushree Vaidya @photohappyme

 

Outer Travel And Inner Journeys

 

Musical_Pillars_at_Vittala_Complex-bicubicMusical Pillars at Vitthala Complex, Hampi, India.

In this last year, I have been fortunate to have visited several UNESCO World Heritage sites and other energetically powerful places. These trips are an integral part of my work as an earth sensitive (see Are You An Earth Sensitive And Why You Need to Know).  However, apart from the energy work involved, these journeys also enable rest and introspection.

Natural surroundings provide us with a deeply healing respite from the storms of life. Also, as we reconnect with our Self and our environment, the significance and meaning that we attach to our individual challenges undergo a sea-change.

Similarly, historical and heritage sites can also have an interesting effect on our perspectives. Each UNESCO and ASI site I have visited so far has been unique and most clearly deserving of our appreciation and preservation. The symbolism and what the makers attempted to convey highlight diverse human obsessions, from the personal ego of a ruler wanting to leave his mark, to the universal questions around the meaning of life. They indicate what was valued in the collective and was the prevalent culture at that point in time.

What is most striking is that they all remind us that great art and architecture demand immense dedication, skill, thought, unsung effort, co-operation and often, much time. The fruit of such undertakings impacts generations to come. Such projects are living testaments to the fact that man seeks to understand his role in the world; that for generations, people have attempted to do something meaningful with the time and breath gifted to them.

Whether or not we agree with the values(such as personal glorification, or idol worship) embodied here, these impressive, physical forms can easily prod us to to examine our own valuesto reassess our individual place in a far broader context, and to reprioritise our relationships with the divine, the planet, and all living beings.

How and why does travel to such sites deepen our self-inquiry?

Well, for one thing, what such structures highlight is that in other times, and in places yet untouched by the global standardisation of modern, urban life – the meaning and use of time, space and other resources can be remarkably different from what we are accustomed to.

Immediate gratification, quick results, individual credit, fame and rich returns(at least for the artisans), all these do not seem to have been prioritised as greatly as they commonly are today. In many cases, one would not even live long enough to have the satisfaction of completion and closure. (Gaudi’s ‘La Sagrada Familia’ at Barcelona is a more recent project that illustrates this. Under construction for over 132 years, it yet has a long way to go.) The focus seems to be more on continual dedication and excellence, rather than on reaping the fruits of labour.

Similarly, as objective viewers of a distant past, the disrespect, violence and destruction that we can cause in the name of our beliefs and allegiances also become clear. Seeing the consequences of the dramatic destruction of a rich city like Hampi (or the careless damage brought about thanks to the abuse/neglect by the victors at sites around the world) force us to face our own inner demons. These locations showcase the atrocities that we as humans may commit when we perceive a threat to our way of being.

As individuals, we are all capable of demonstrating similar levels of creativity and destruction. It is our awareness that determines which potential we draw forth. These places and their historical narrative naturally provoke questions such as:

  • Why are we doing what we are doing?
  • What are we doing with the time and talents given to us?
  • What would we rather be doing instead?
  • How well are we using our resources?
  • How are we impacting the world?
  • Are we leaving it a better place?
  • What do we need to stop doing?
  • What do we need to start doing now?
  • Are we in sync with our natural surroundings, our community, the cycles of life?

I could go on, but then, I am an introspective writer after all.

These days, popular travel tends to be ambitious, micromanaged and super-packed. The emphasis is frequently on quantity rather than quality, with the focus being on visiting the largest number of famous landmarks. Local flavour, ways of being and philosophies are often missed by us choosing to remain with our habits of food, language and people, even in foreign locales.

Such constraints on time, venues and local interaction cost us dearly: For too often, we return having done little more than having ‘checked-in’ at the different locations.

It is no ‘Secret’ that a conscious intent significantly influences what we notice and experience.

My invitation to you is to set out with the resolution to travel with awareness. That instead of being swept off-centre by the sensory overload, to decide to use the sights and impressions to draw out newer aspects of yourself. To open yourself to not just new sights, but new energies and experiences. To deliberately include free time in your schedule, so that when you feel called to linger in a place, you have the bandwidth to do so.

Allow yourself the luxury of contemplation, surfacing thoughts and emotions that you have been repressing or denying. Welcome the opportunities to sit in leisurely silence at sacred places, processing and evolving effortlessly. Let the meaningful questions take precedence for a change.

In my experience, such conscious travel leaves us with a far richer experience than otherwise.

External wanderings can help us discover and express newer parts of our self. I know I return changed by every trip. Perhaps this post will gently remind you to explore newer dimensions in your own travels as well.

Wishing you de-lightful and meaningful journeys!

2015-03-20 22.01.52

Stained Glass Windows at La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona, Spain.

Raising Your Vibe

In Colourful Tools To Uplift Your Spirits, I shared suggestions on how to design and use visual cues in a way that can quickly and easily help elevate one’s mood.  This is another offering to add to that collection.

You can use this image as a screensaver, wallpaper or poster.  You may get specific insights that you can then action.  In all likelihood, after repeating these queries a few times, you will begin to feel lighter, more enthusiastic, loving, joyous and peaceful, for no specific reason.

The questions can also be used with EFT, or the Access Consciousness Clearing statement if you so prefer.

Would be happy to hear of your experience in the comments below.  (If you enjoy the results, you are most welcome to share it with others.)

May the Force be with you:)

Yoda speaks

 

 

(Image made using Notegraphy)

Are You Resisting The Situation Or A Personal Transformation?

pearl

Our suffering is directly proportional to our resistance to the way things currently stand. The troubling conclusion that no breakthrough is possible is often erroneous.  The truth is that the available options may not be palatable to us.  For the way forward may require us to change ourselves, our point of view and our habitual choices. And sometimes we are simply unwilling to do so.

Denial, avoidance, and or procrastination not only display our ongoing argument with whatever is present, but also clearly indicate our refusal to see, be and act differently. 

The common, costly self-deception is the labeling of our resignation as ‘acceptance’, and our abdication of responsibility as ‘surrender’. (Please see What Does Surrender Mean To You” for a more detailed discussion on this.)

Instead of this, acknowledging our annoyance, and taking a different approach may transform us as well as the outcome. After all, it is a persistent irritation that results in the pearl.

As Pema Chodron summarizes,

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”

So, how best can we use a ‘stuck situation’ as an opportunity to learn and transform?

If you find yourself struggling with what seems to be a ‘stuck’ situation, find a quiet time and place and then try contemplating on each of the questions below. For at least this short while, set aside all your conclusions about the situation and consider:

  • What if this is life inviting you to grow and evolve in a way and at a pace that you have never experienced before? What would it take for me to be willing to accept such an invitation?
  • What role are you refusing to play that if you accepted would change everything?
  • How are you refusing to be that if you were willing to be would change everything?
  • What quality are you refusing to embody that if you choose to embody would change everything?
  • What are you resisting feeling or experiencing that if you allowed yourself to feel or experience would change everything?
  • Which of your thoughts are you refusing to want to be true?
    • If these are observable facts, what belief of yours do they challenge?
    • What would it take for you to let go of this belief and forgive yourself for holding on to it until now?
    • If it is an opinion or judgment, is it absolutely true?
    • What is it that compels you to insist, defend and perpetuate it?
    • What would it take for you to release all that and start from a neutral space now?

You may find specific answers to the above, or intuitively feel a softening and opening of your energy field as you park these questions in your awareness.  If this be the case, record them in your own voice and loop them for a couple of days. They can be used with the Access Consciousness Clearing Statement or with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).   Even used as rhetorical questions, they can lead to a fresh seeing of the situation and open up new possibilities for you.

A deep, attentive listening to your innermost answers to these can lead to a fresh seeing of the situation and open up new possibilities for you.

Would be happy to hear of your experience with this exercise.  Good wishes!
(If you find this useful, please share it with anyone you feel may benefit.)

 

 

Related Articles:

What Values Do You Live By?

9 Tips To Reinventing Yourself