What Meaning Have You Given To This One Thing?

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I will probably continue to share more clearings, but at the moment I feel that this one concise clearing addresses the crux of any emotional difficulty we are facing.

All our troubles start and end with our identification with a limited self. Anything and everything that happens, we habitually and compulsively weave into a narrative.  We keep trying to give the happening a meaning and understand our ‘self’ in it’s context.  We then cling to our interpretation, and keep trying to prove or disprove this conclusion(more correctly, hypothesis) to ourselves and others – which leads to its growing importance in our minds.

Pretty soon, whether it be a business opportunity or failure, new job or leaving a familiar city, marriage or divorce or being single, financial abundance or scarcity, weight gain or loss, anxiety or physical disease, birth or death of a loved one – it all boils down to what we decide it means to us and about us.

Further, instead of accepting the happenings of life, the ebbs and flows, the impermanence and changeability and the laws of nature themselves, we take it all most personally – thereby creating suffering and discontent for our ‘self’.

What can help is a return to a childlike innocence, lightness and openness:  Where we engage playfully and then move on without giving any falls, or scrapes lasting importance. The trophies and peak experiences are also held lightly, and take up our attention for only about as long as do our tears.
Thus, things become more about living deeply in the moment rather than about our compelling story and its complex lead character(our ‘self’).

If you would like to lead a more easeful, allowing life that feels one with the flow – try this for any situation that tends to drain your energy or captivate your attention. This clearing is equally relevant to those things that we obsessively seek for pleasure as those that we resist from fear of pain.

For best results, take one particular subject at a time. Now, placing your attention on this issue, use the clearing:

“All the meaning and undue significance that I have given this,
All the ways that I hold on to this,
All that I have decided that this says about me,
All the ways in which I have let this define, limit and contract me,
All the ways in which this has made me forget who I truly am,
I release, dissolve and let go now.

(Inhale a slow deep breath and exhale as you read the above, tap in with EFT, or use with any clearing process of your choice. You will probably immediately feel a little lighter.  If required, repeat a few times until you feel complete.)

Please don’t let the fact that this clearing is simple, focused, and free  – and not packaged as a long-drawn, complex process, nor offered as an expensive audio, workshop or webinar – make you underestimate its power and value. Do give it your fair consideration🙂

Would be happy to hear how you feel after trying this out.
And if you feel it useful, please do share it with others.

 

Poems: An Elusive Love

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They say, love yourself.
And one wonders why
There is such little genuine affection
For the one we live as.

How is it possible?
When we have never met
Never studied our own reflection
Letting our eyes rest?

Have you ever asked yourself
What truly interests you?
What brings you alive,
Makes you feel, deep, light and bright?

For more often than not,
The heart and mind wander away.
We forget ourselves,
Whilst another’s beauty captivates.

Allow your gaze to turn inwards.
Simply pay attention there first.
For this is not like any adoration
Which we direct outwards…

Where first, love is remembered
And then the details are seen.
(Were things always in that order
We would forgive, everyone, and everything.)

No. This is a different journey.
To start with curiosity is enough.
To touch, to feel, to observe
To empathize with this near-stranger is difficult.

We are not used to it.
We don’t know how.
No importance was given here.
What is eternally present, has been filtered out.

So start afresh.
Begin anew.
Look into your own eyes,
Explore, only as a lover would.

Touch gently the stubborn, curling strand of hair
A sensitive spot behind the knee…
Visit slowly, tenderly, those secret, vulnerable places
Where only soulful lovemaking would reach.

Share in that inner child’s eager wonder
Allow the grief of the tragedy queen
Salute the bravery of the veteran soldier
Thank the grace the healer has seen.

Listen to the victim’s frightened cries
Witness the bully’s anger and blame
Discern how the hurt and defeated
Still hoards pain and shame.

With as much obsession, and compassion
That past objects of your affection inspired
Look within and celebrate
All the character you have acquired.

For before you can love yourself
You, your self must meet:
All the lights and shadows within
With kindness, first, must be seen.

Take your time, but do it well.
Remember, this ain’t no temporary fling
For this is the One, my dear.
This One is for keeps.

 

Sculpture: Pablo Gargallo

13 Clearings To Address The Fear Of The Unknown

cliff edge _Fotor

The 9 Clearing Statements To Address The Fear of Uncertainty and Embracing Change provide self-explanatory assistance with those situations.  They have a slight emphasis on addressing the aspects of letting go of the past, the known and the familiar.  It is meant to do away with the ‘pull’ of the history.

This (equally self-explanatorily titled )set aims to focus on the resistance to the unknown future. For sometimes, the analogy of being at crossroads does not seem adequate.  The feeling  then is more like one is poised on the edge of a cliff and the only way forward seems to be that leap of faith.  So naturally, there can be a terror, and an attempt to ‘push’ away the inevitable.

Much of such fear is based on three things:

  1. The extrapolation of the past along with the conscious/unconscious assumption that things will not get better; indeed, that they may even get worse.
  2. Our need for control.  When rooted in our identification with a separate self, there is a need for safety and predictability. Fear drives us to overthinking, overplanning and generalized anxiety. We forget how to have faith in ourselves, a higher power, and life itself. The more we are identified with a separate self, the less palatable and feasible surrender seems
  3. Contemplating a leap off a cliff (metaphorically speaking) very likely triggers our nagging fears of death.

The latter two require a diligent inquiry into our true nature and the befriending of the inevitable death of this mind-body at some point.  The clearings included here are but one step in that direction.  

Nevertheless, these clearings should help you feel far less anxious, more ready and capable, and thus help you deal with your current challenge.  Other articles, such as How To Navigate Through Significant Change and EFT scripts, such as EFT for Overwhelm may also prove relevant and useful, so please have a look at them as well.

Simply read aloud and tap along all the EFT points as you are reading. If you are unfamiliar with EFT, download EFT in one page here .  For a more detailed understanding of EFT, you can get my book – Emotional Freedom Techniques.

Some readers may find it effective and comfortable to simply take a deep breath, read a statement, and release the breath for each statement .  Remember, that it is our intent and awareness that makes all the difference.

You may like to make an audio recording in your own voice and loop it for use with either Access Clearing Statement, EFT or breath release. Some of the sentences seem unwieldy, but they can be effective.  So let your experience speak for itself.  Run these clearings several times a day for about a week and let me know how it works for you!

  • All the conscious and unconscious ways in which I assume that the known is better than the unknown, I release, dissolve, and let go now.
  • All the ways in which the fear of the unknown is stored in my mind, body and energies, I release, dissolve and let go now.
  • All the ways in which I expect the future to be a repetition or worsening of past suffering, I release, dissolve and let go now.
  • All the conditioning, fixed points of view, inherited, collective and personal beliefs, trapped emotions, traumas, cellular memories, programs, and neuron firing patterns that contribute to my reactionary fighting of the unknown, I release, dissolve, and let go now.
  • Everything that contributes to, sustains and perpetuates my fear-driven, habitual demand and insistence for predictability and control, I release, dissolve and let go now.
  • All my attachment to any acquired learnings and mastery from the past that make me want things to remain the same (so that I can continue to feel safe and in control), I release dissolve and let go now.
  • All the anxiety, panic, insecurity and inadequateness triggered at the idea of making a fresh start, I release, dissolve and let go now.
  • Any past traumas, significant events, failures, and hurts that made me vow to fight the unknown, and cause me to cling to my limited historical experience, I release, dissolve and let go now.
  • Any habitual blinkers, filters, limitations that I use to keep my attention and openness on the known, whilst blinding myself to and making impossible the fresh and the new, I release, dissolve, and let go now.
  • All the conscious and unconscious ways in which I resist the unknown, I release, dissolve, and let go now.
  • All the conflicting realities I am creating from my concurrent desires for the known and familiar, AND also the fresh and new, whilst concurrently resisting the ‘stuckness’ as well as  the unknown new, I release, dissolve and let go now.
  • What would it take for me to welcome and explore the unknown with a light-hearted, adventurous, curiosity? Anything that prevents that, I release, dissolve and let go now.
  • What would it be like to consistently remember that I am not limited to this mind-body? That who I truly am remains untouched despite any and all of these transient experiences? Anything that prevents that, I release, dissolve and let go now.

 

If you find this useful, please share it with others as a lot of us seem poised on the borders of major shifts these days. Thanks.

Embracing Change (EFT Script)

One of my readers wrote in requesting for an EFT script to cope with change.  So before I share the script I wrote in response to that request, I felt it relevant to share one my recent poems from FB here:

Sometimes we pretend to ourselves
That we are waiting for someone or something
That everlasting joy will be ours then.

But, the truth is our happiness is here.
And we don’t really want anything to change
Neither us, nor our circumstance.

For with all that we want
to run from
There is also much
That which we don’t wish to end.

It is like that in a dualistic world.
Light and darkness
Always go hand in hand.

The truth is that our motivations and interests are often conflicting and or confused.  Hence, this script begins from that internal push and pull, and then move towards a greater ease and coherence that comes from us stepping out of deep identification with the persona and drama of our life.

In keeping with the subject, I have changed the formatting of the script🙂  It assumes your familiarity with EFT(Emotional Freedom Techniques) – so please tap repetitive cycles through the Short-Cut points (Karate Chop, Eyebrow, Side of the Eye, Under the Eye, Under the Nose, Chin, Collarbone, Under the Arms, Top of the Head) as you read the statements. Repeat a couple of rounds of the script in this manner, and let me know how you feel.

(You can download EFT in one page here if required.  For a more detailed understanding of EFT, you can get my book – Emotional Freedom Techniques.)

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Even though I say,
I want things to change
I find myself reluctant to let go
Old habits, emotions, thoughts and patterns
Have me locked in their hold.
However challenging, upsetting or disappointing it may have been
However wonderful, enlightening and energising:
Whatever it was, it was known.
And it is hard to surrender the comfort of familiarity
For a leap into the undefined, unexplored, unseen, unknown.

But a part of me realises
That things have already changed.
I am neither who I was before
Nor is anything or anyone around me exactly the same.
Transience and transformation occur
Whether or not we flow…
It is in our hands to adapt and accelerate
Or argue, lament, struggle, refuse.

Doing the same old things
Reacting in the same old ways:
The time for that is done now
And I am willing to make headway
In being a little less rigid, a little less unsure
A little less fearful, a little more secure
To learn afresh, to experiment anew
To do what I have never done before
To be even more than I imagined I could
One step at a time, is all it takes
To discover new terrains and routes.

So I choose to release the past
Of insisting that it must intact remain
I appreciate and thank what was
As I welcome the new all the same
In this present moment
I surrender all games:
All my conscious and unconscious methods
Of proving or disproving
My cherished beliefs to date.

What if the future looks nothing like the past?
Isn’t it time to make a fresh start?

With a beginner’s mind, I see clearly again.
Without any historical perceptions weighing me down
I am no longer trapped, constricted or contained…
The dream begins to lose its hold
Joy, ease and peace awake.

Who do I choose to be now?
What new adventures will now commence?
I decide to greet their arrival
With a relaxed smile on my face…
For I now remind myself
That who I truly am
Through even the most radical change:
Untouched remains
And on this dramatic stage of life
I simply play out a fresh role
Rewritten,
To suit what I now wish
To experience, express and portray.

There are many more articles and scripts relevant to this subject that can be found by using the search box on the top right of the page. 

Many of us are struggling with radical changes in major aspects of our life right now.  If you feel this useful, please do share with others.  

 

Image: Land Art by Andy Goldsworthy

 

Accepting Rejection

Rejection is something that we all experience from time to time. Some secretly believe they face it more than others, but it is actually quite universal.

The rejection I speak of is not limited to the heartbreaks of romantic liaisons.  It is the message interpreted from a parent’s dissatisfaction with your grades(despite your best efforts), their unavailability, or their judgement of your friends.  It is not getting an invitation to a classmate’s party or bearing the brunt of too much teasing/bullying. It is the aloofness of someone close or their constant reprimands.

Exclusion from a sports team, the job we didn’t get, the assignment we were refused, the book one couldn’t get published or that didn’t sell, or the entrepreneurial venture one was unable to fund – these can all add to our personal testaments to our secret sense of unworthiness.

Our reaction to all this is based on our interpretation of such events, and not necessarily the facts: The common conclusion being that who we are, or what we offer is unwanted, unloved or unacceptable.

Being rejected wounds. It hurts our self-esteem, creates self-doubts, and more often than not, leads to defensive measures such as attack or withdrawal. So we may end up criticizing, dismissing or arguing with what has come our way. Or we may end up contracting, judging ourselves (and the other), and sometimes even giving up.  The last one can cost us heavily.

A decision to no longer offer of ourselves, or honestly request what we would like – out of the fear of rejection – can result in an inauthentic, disgruntled life, and a waste of potential. 

On the other hand, when we becoming more willing to experience the discomfort of rejection, even welcome it, it makes us freer to be ourselves, to experiment, to learn, to adventure and to grow.  It dissolves our indulgence in untested, unproductive fantasies – for now, we are willing to take our boats out to sea and test them in the waters, learn from trial and error.

How many dreams are you actually forsaking by your unwillingness to accept a ‘no’?
How much would change if you could receive rejection, criticism and failure,
just the same as acceptance, praise and success?
Without making any of these significant or definitive of who you be? 

As is with most issues, the fundamental reason rejection seems so crippling is our tendency to take it personally. To let the rejection define us instead of seeing it as a temporary experience.  It triggers our basic fears of ‘not being good enough’, ‘not belonging’,  and the original wound of separation(from Source). All sense of objectivity, rationality and moderation can be lost. We end up feeling abandoned, isolated, and lonely.

What if you could view rejection as a pointer to a different route?
One more apt for you at this time?

fork in the road_Fotor

So how can we reframe rejection ?  Instead of trapping ourselves into a resigned or self-pitying state, reminding ourselves of the following can be helpful:

  1. This is neither permanent nor a definition of who you are.   Who you are is simply experiencing this.  You can choose not to see it as a setback but as an opportunity for change. And not receiving the love, validation or approval that you were seeking here does not imply that you are not worthy of it, nor that you will forever be denied the same.  If anything, it is a check to remind us to be kinder, more forgiving and accepting of ourselves.
  2. What we are seeking may not be a match to what is in our highest interest at this point:  Whether it be a relationship or circumstance, what we desire comes from our limited experience and understanding. In hindsight, we often find that what we mourned as denied to us turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  Everything comes with its pros and cons and while we are busy fixating on what we missed out on, we may fail to see the price we were saved.
  3. One may not be ready: Receiving feedback, criticism or refusal objectively can provide us gems of insights.  We may need to study/practise more, or need more exposure, or learn to be more accommodating, or set better boundaries,  or be less clingy… being willing to accept such information and working on doing the needful can lead to our own evolution and growth.  Self-acceptance and self-forgiveness does not imply stagnation.  It means a more realistic and kinder approach. Then, what you were refused today may be yours tomorrow – when you are prepared enough.
  4. The other may not be ready:  Sensing the potential in a partnership, situation or project, we may have offered or requested something that our targetted audience does not yet see, or sees, but is not yet ready for.
  5. It is not yet time:  Even if you are meant to be with that person, get that promotion, make a difference with your NGO, or have that box-office movie success – things may simply be cooking yet.  No seed transforms into a flowering tree before its time. Perhaps all that is required is patience.

The lessons we learn from being on the receiving end can also serve as pointers to kinder and truer ways of turning others down.   The cliched “It’s not you, it’s me.” rarely rings true and can often seem condescending.  At a deeper level, it is still making things personal – we are targeting the blame and invoking guilt in ourselves, if not the other. Bearing in mind points 1-5 above, we can do our best to communicate our rejection in a way that simply acknowledges the current mismatch of things.  How it lands is in the recipient’s hands.  But, we can at least ensure that we have not turned this into an intentional or accidental personal attack to the best of our abilities.

As always, I write from personal experience.  Having had my fair share of rejections on both the personal and work front, I have found the above approach to have been useful and liberating. I find that the greater my comfort with facing rejection, the more authentic and explorative I have become. There is a lightness and ease that is not there when one is resisting rejection.

Drawing on this experience, I have helped many sensitive and artistic people address this subject.  Here is a link to some clearings that I had recorded for one such client.  Perhaps some of you, especially those in the creative fields, may find them helpful:  Listen here.

If you find any of this useful, please share it on.  The more of us singing our own song uninhibitedly, the more joyful the world becomes.

 

Image: Google Plus

‘Life Amusement Theme Park’: Travel Information.

Welcome!

  1. Essential supplies– Include a sense of humor, tissues and eyeglass cleaners.
  2. Know that it is impossible to cover all of this vast and diverse terrain in a single trip.
  3. The landscape is changing all the time.  Your choices and actions also contribute to this change.
  4. Routinely consult a map to understand your current position and reorient yourself.
    (Updated, local area maps are available at all pit stops.)
  5. Whether long, short, direct, winding, easy, or difficult, all roads eventually lead home. 
  6. Expect to feel pain at times. Design excellence ensures that this discomfort feels real and true. It is an essential component of the acclaimed reward-punishment matrix. (But be assured that at the end of your journey, you will find you actually came through unscathed.)
  7. You may proceed at a pace of your choice.
  8. Different routes will appeal to different individuals. To each his own.
  9. You are free to experience as much as you can, or as little as you want.
    (Cautionary Note:  Some popular attractions can be captivating. High Drama, Romcom, Monopoly, History Repeats, Gurudom and Lost are addictive rides and may consume all your time and attention.)
  10. You are free to change direction and speed at any time. However, consequences of these changes are non-negotiable: costs and benefits are both to be borne in full.
  11. Co-travellers are free to part ways, as also to regroup.
  12. Mirrors are present everywhere for your convenience. Simply pause if you wish to reflect.
  13. Speed breakers are in place to remind you to slow down, enjoy the scenery and smell the flowers.
  14. When the nights are darkest, the light shines the brightest.  Look to the skies for highlighted signs.
  15. Travel logs are optional. Your observations and reviews may be curated for those seeking travel assistance.
  16. Innumerable treasures have been hidden in obvious sight. Be attentive or you will miss these.
  17. Frequently, you will encounter forks in the road. Rely on your subjective inner navigation programs at such times. (Integrating these with your personal value system is helpful in ensuring optimal functioning.)
  18. Befriend your shadow. It never leaves your side, hints at your true immenseness and points back towards the light Source.
  19. Dive into your experience fully and whole-heartedly.  This mind-body will pass through just this once.
  20. Help-lines are open at all times.  Ask and you shall receive. (The messenger may be different from what you expect, but the answer arrives.)
  21. This beautiful place is nothing if not unpredictable.
    Hence, some or none of the above may apply.

Enjoy the rides, surf the waves and leave the world a better place!

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From Suffering To Lightness – An EFT Script For Pain

Suffering, says Shinzen Young(a Buddhist teacher), is our pain multiplied by our resistance to the same.  

I feel this to be true. In Facing the StormsI gave diverse examples of the benefits of stepping into uncomfortable feelings. With this post, I invite you to not only turn and meet the pain head on – but to also allow it without any resistance. The subtle difference here is to shift from a defiant, confrontational energy to a mindful, receptive one.

What we resist, persists.  The defensive energy of fighting with pain, whether it be physical or emotional in nature, creates tension, contraction and its own consequences within our mind and body. Our defensiveness reinforces our identification with the limited mind-body and the pain, creating further suffering.

Our true, expanded state needs neither protection nor repair. A gentle acceptance of things the way they are arises easily when we are rooted in our true nature.

However, the experience of pain is real. It cannot and should not be denied.  When identified with the pain, all non-duality concepts seem to be just that – concepts.  But when we are able to find the courage to allow the pain, slowly but surely, we start connecting with that part of us which is always at peace – regardless of the state of body or outer circumstances. 

This understanding is particularly helpful in long-standing situations such as chronic disease or close, difficult relationships.  Here, though This Too Shall Pass – change may be slow in coming, and the pain could be repetitive and intense.

A simple way to see if this approach works for you is this:  When another episode of emotional/physical pain turns up, sit quietly and focus on your breathing.  Imagine as though you are breathing in and out of your heart.  Next imagine the pain is represented by the image of an immense lake of liquid light.  Now visualize yourself gradually immersing deeper and deeper into this lake.  It may initially seem intimidating and overwhelming, with the surface being dark and choppy.  But know that as you go deeper, the waters begin to feel stiller, lighter and reassuring.  Right at the bottom, below all the intensity – you will reach a peaceful place.  This visualization works astonishingly well for me, but then I love water🙂

Alternatively, the EFT(Emotional Freedom Techniques) script below should help most people. EFT is remarkably effective during acute episodes of pain.  I often used it as the first demonstration in EFT workshops, because it’s easier for people to notice the change in pain than in their emotions.  While results differ, EFT has almost always given a significant benefit.

This script goes beyond addressing the acute, obvious symptoms.  Even in the midst of pain, it assists in taking us back home.  I wrote this for a client only a few days back and subsequently shared it with a few others. The positive feedback has me posting it here, hoping that many more will benefit.  If it works for you, please do share it with others.

(You can download EFT in one page here if required.  For a more detailed understanding of EFT, you can get my book – Emotional Freedom Techniques.)

Peace Be With You!

Karate Chop     Even though I have this pain, I release all resistance to it now
Karate Chop     Even though I have this pain, I release all argument with it now
Karate Chop     Even though I have this pain, I release the need for it to go away now

Eyebrow                All the meaning I have attached to this pain
Side of the eye    All the significance I have given this pain
Under the eye     All that I fear will follow this pain
Under the nose   All the dread of what I expect next
Chin                       All the anxiety of this pain becoming worse
Collarbone           All the panic of this pain staying on forever
Under the arm    All the reasons I feel I don’t deserve this pain
Top of the Head  All the ways in which I believe and prove that pain is inevitable

Karate Chop         All the known and unknown ways in which I am inviting, creating or                                              perpetuating this pain, I release dissolve and let go now
Karate Chop         I release all fixed points of view around this pain
Karate Chop         I give myself permission to allow things to be as they are now

Eyebrow                 For just this minute, I relax.
Side of the eye     For just this minute, I breathe.
Under the eye      For just this minute, I welcome it all.
Under the nose   For just this minute, I let life lead.
Chin                        For just a little while, I rest.
Collarbone            For just a little while, let all thoughts cease.
Under the arm     For a little while, whether pain is present,
Top of the head   Or goes absent, I choose peace.

(Drink water and repeat a few rounds if required.)

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Photo Credit: Tanushree Vaidya @photohappyme