Based upon case experience, I am suggesting below a model of inquiry that may help you realize and release core limiting beliefs about yourself.
As a child you were promised an outing by your cousin. But at the last minute you were told it is cancelled. You feel let down and disappointed, sorry you believed in the promise in the first place. This happens a few times more and because the excited, happy anticipation was replaced with equally strong, crushing disappointment, you begin to question yourself. You begin to regret having trusted your cousin, wonder why you ever believed him/her and conclude that you are naive and foolish, a poor judge of character. As you grow older, your cynicism makes it difficult for you to believe in others and form trusting relationships. The few places where you do connect give you great hope and much needed assurance, but only for a short while. Sooner or later, promises are broken and you end up feeling let down again. Even more convinced in your lack of judgement, regretting having trusted the other person at all. You vow once more, never to trust anyone else.
Can you relate to any of this? The triggering events, resultant emotions and conclusions may differ for each of us. But this pattern is not uncommon.
A significant event/repetitive events happen and we have certain thoughts and experience strong feelings about it. Based upon this, we arrive at a conclusion. We interpret it to mean something about our self. This process may be conscious or subconscious, but the end result is a limiting belief. Once this has been ingrained, the mind works overtime to record, capture and highlight data and experience that validates this belief.
We then go on to divide the people we meet into two types:
- Those who reinforce the wound for us and validate the belief.
- Those who don’t. Those who don’t fit the role, provoke two reactions in us:
- Either they are treated with doubt and fear, because a part of us is constantly afraid that these exceptions will also (eventually) fit our other, ‘more consistent’ experiences of the other kind.
- Or we are so eager and hungry for what they mean to us, that we end up acting needy, clinging or dependent.
Mistrust, fear and neediness are all unhealthy and eventually take their toll on the relationship. Consequent deterioration in the rapport will lead us back to the original conclusion, once again reinforcing the limiting belief we started with. The stronger the belief, the more such engagements we attract and the more we reinforce the loop.
This external drama keeps our attention on other people and outward events. In all the pain, blame, bitterness and victimization, we miss the underlying point of origin – the beliefs we have about our self and the role we are playing in all this.
- What is required is some introspection, to discover the core limiting belief and to clear it. The limiting belief about your self will be the perfect match to the challenge you routinely encounter. For example, if it is betrayal that haunts you, the belief could be ‘I am a poor judge of character’, or ‘ I am naive/gullible’. If you keep facing rejection, it could be ‘I am unworthy of love’ or ‘I am not desirable’.
- Once discovered, question this belief – ask yourself, ‘Is it really true’?
- Write at least 10 instances of when you demonstrated otherwise, or met people who did not match this expectation. They will exist, but you would not have given them too much attention because they did not match the belief you were carrying at that time.
- After having understood the bias in your perceptions, you can now clear any hold this belief has on you, along with any emotional charge using TAT, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) or Emotion Code. These energy tools provide us with effective ways to clear whatever is no longer required.
Suggested EFT statements:
“Even though I have long believed that I am <naive/gullible >, I release this belief, all associated cellular memories, auric imprints and future programs now.”
(Auric imprints refers to energetic baggage and future programs refers to projections based on beliefs held in the past)
“Even though I have neglected to notice when I was <discerning/realistic>, I acknowledge and integrate those parts of me now.”
(Download a one-pager on EFT here)
What appears to be a complex manifestation may have a very simple, singular root.
With patience, it is possible to unpeel the layers and clear the issue from its very roots.
If you find this useful, please do share it with others.
Photo Courtesy Creative Commons: Scott Schiller (Flickr)