Being Together

sketches in stillness

They say misery loves company.  Which is probably true.  Whenever you want to share your sadness, the frustration at your job, the differences with your partner, or the lack of one, or crib about the state of the world, it is not difficult to find company.  The pain, the drama – it all triggers the resonant feelings and parallel memories that we share.  Empathy and agreement can be supportive, or it can be self defeating. Unless carefully steered to a meaningful conclusion, there are chances of these interactions reducing to habitual pity parties.

And what about celebrations? How easy is it to find company that shares equally in your joys and milestones?  Not the superficial, congratulatory kind, but the genuine ones – whose hearts burst with as much happiness as yours, who can be moved to inexplicable tears by your contentment?  Under the masks and games that we play, we often sense the skepticism, the resentment, sometimes the outright envy that can be as startling and unexpected to both, the one who is jealous and the one who is jealous of.  Feelings of jealousy and envy are often taken personally.  But in reality have little to do with the person it is focused on.  It is the sense of incompletion, of not having received what they feel is their due or their own sense of lack and unworthiness that fuels the one experiencing it.

To be observant and accepting of such underlying currents is what enables us to address them and let them go.  To see the self pity under the ‘empathy’, the feelings of emptiness under the ‘jealousy’ and hence not perceive ourselves  superior in some way for our caregiving, nor put ourselves down for seeing the stab of discomfort in another’s happiness – can be an enormous gift of friendship.

Many of our hidden facets are more easily revealed in the context of our relationships. They serve the purpose of being our mirrors.  So when both parties are conscious and committed to this understanding, all interaction becomes a blessing that reveals our truth.  But for this, there has to be an effort at building and maintaining trust, of being rooted in love at all times and not taking any dramas (that turn up for either one) personally.

Kahlil Gibran said, “Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.” I could not agree more.  This implies a high degree of awareness and a deep commitment to revealing our true nature.  There are few who prefer this extent of authenticity and vulnerability, feeling safer in the realms of more socially acceptable, external pretenses of popularity.  But for those of us who choose this path – true friends may be rare and few, but they are the only ones you really want to be with.

Are you conscious of the intent of the relationships you are choosing in your life?  Because that is what will determine the vibration of your interactions.

 

Image Source: Sketches in Stillness (FB page)

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12 thoughts on “Being Together

  1. Grateful for this post… incidentally, a year ago I came across someone who said she was jealous of me, and that just shut me down. I realised how much we can hold ourselves responsible for other people’s reaction of our life’s happenings.
    And yes, my circle has shifted to just a couple of friends who I like to call up and share the successes of life with. One realises that the more people I have around me to crib to, the more self-pity I set myself up for. Love and light

    1. Thanks Deepti.

      I feel it is a blessing to have spaces we can be authentic in, without worry of getting too caught in the story and staying locked in the highs or lows.

      love and light,

      Sangeeta

  2. Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace. When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.” And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart; For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed. When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain. And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit. For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught. And let your best be for your friend. If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also. For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live. For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness. And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

  3. When you yourself are one who delights in the successes, happiness and achievements of others and deems this natural…..I agree it is a real shock to the system when you encounter jealousy and resentment in the face of your achievements….it feels to me incomprehensible and renders me often paralyzed with confusion…it is something I don’t understand….and often from ones who are so close and profess love, it is very strange….takes a long time to digest and process this ♥

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