Clearings to Help In Drawing Healthy Boundaries.

The re-evaluation and reconfiguration of relationships (and the implicit and explicit agreements governing them) seem to be a matter of priority and urgency for a lot of people right now. In recent weeks, the subject of boundaries has come up frequently in my client sessions. Consequently, I thought I would offer here a collection of the clearings that have been found useful by some of these people.

For those familiar with my work, you may recall other, related posts that you may want to revisit as per your current need:
In Rules of Engagement- And Breaking Them, I have described some of the patterns our interactions can fall into. Further, I have expanded in detail on the peculiar challenge that Highly Sensitive Empaths encounter with boundaries in Notes For The Highly Sensitive Empath , challenges that women face in An EFT Script For Women , addressed the pivotal relationship with parents at Disentangling The Ties That Bind(with EFT) and also provided a relevant EFT script for Resigning From Playing the Villain.  Are You Being Supportive or Invasive? addresses the situation where we play the role of a guardian, mentor or caregiver.

As these and several other posts indicate, I feel that rather than promoting divisiveness, appropriate boundaries, in fact, facilitate healthy, nourishing co-existence. Whether it be because one has been brought up by a narcissistic parent, has a superficial exposure to new age spirituality, an overtly religious or moral conditioning that emphasized sacrifice or hierarchy, or any other such reason – it is entirely possible to have a very distorted view of boundaries. Any consequent resistance or awkwardness regarding them can lead to resentful victimhood at one end, and self-centered, bullying behaviour at the other.

“Compassionate people ask for what they need.
They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it.
They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”

~ Brene Brown

Healthy boundaries respect both parties.
While we more easily notice when we feel violated or taken for granted, our own overstepping may not be that readily acknowledged.  However, in order to establish a healthy dynamic, both sides must be looked at with equal consideration.  Accordingly, the clearings below address both aspects.

(Please also note that I arrived at these by following threads of inquiry with different people and it is not possible to describe the entire process here.  Consequently, some of the statements may immediately resonate, while others may seem irrelevant to you personally.  I suggest that you use them all anyway. The list is longer than usual, but the subject is a vast one.  I trust you will find it worth your time and efforts.)

How To Use These Clearings:

Simply read aloud and tap along all the EFT points as you are reading. If you are unfamiliar with EFT, download EFT in one page here .  For a more detailed understanding of EFT, you can get my book – Emotional Freedom Techniques.

Some readers may find it effective and comfortable to simply take a deep breath, read a statement, and release the breath for each statement.
Remember, that it is our intent and awareness that makes all the difference.

You may like to make an audio recording in your own voice and loop it for use with either Access Clearing Statement, EFT or breath release.

Some of the sentences seem unwieldy, but they can be effective.  So let your experience speak for itself. Stay well hydrated and ground yourself as you undergo this process.  It can bring about huge shifts in your energy and being.

Run these clearings several times a day for about a week and let me know how it works for you:

1. Everything that prevents me from stating and doing what I want (with honesty and compassion), I release, dissolve and let go now.
2. Everything that prevents me from listening and responding to the underlying intent of the other, I release, dissolve and let go now.
3. Everything that contributes to my inability to set healthy boundaries and allow myself the rest, recreation and rejuvenation I need, I release, dissolve and let go now.
4. Everything that prevents me from saying a timely, clear ‘yes’ without guilt, inhibition, or aggression, I release, dissolve and let go now.
5. Everything that prevents me from drawing a line, ending things, or saying a timely, clear ‘no’ without guilt, inhibition, or aggression I release, dissolve and let go now.
6. All the ways in which I consciously or unconsciously invite or allow others to violate my boundaries, I release, dissolve and let go now.
7. All the ways in which I consciously or unconsciously invade others’ boundaries, I release, dissolve and let go now.
8. All the ways I try to rationalise, justify, explain, defend or apologise for my feelings and needs, I release, dissolve and let go now.
9. All the ways in which I give in only in order to avoid conflict, I release dissolve and let go now.
10. All the ways in which I fail to recognize, honour and respect everyone in the relationship, including myself, I release dissolve and let go now.
11. All the ways I am afraid of speaking up for myself, I release dissolve and let go now.
12. All the ways that I have decided that argument, refusal and judgement of my needs and requests is inevitable, I release, dissolve and let go now.
13. All my resistance to anticipated judgment, argument, conflict and violence in reaction to me choosing my own happiness and wellbeing, all cellular memories of it, all neural programming, all emotional blackmail, all the anger, rage, hexes,  curses and spells I have allowed and received around this in the past I release dissolve and let go now.
14. All the ways I am programmed to sacrifice my happiness for others, I release dissolve and let go now.
15. All the ways I am programmed to feel guilty for choosing my own happiness, I release dissolve and let go now.
16. Any ways that I expect, insist or demand that others sacrifice their happiness for me, I release, dissolve and let go now.
17. Any ways in which I emotionally blackmail others, blame, induce guilt or punish others for not putting my happiness above theirs, I release, dissolve and let go now.
18. All the ways I have bought into the belief that my happiness and choice are immaterial and only (__)’s demands must be met, I release dissolve and let go now.
19. All the ways I have bought into the belief that (__)’s happiness and choice are immaterial and only my demands must be met, I release dissolve and let go now.
20. All the domination, bullying, passive aggression, entity and demonic control and slavery that I allow or participate in across all time, space and dimensions, I release dissolve and let go now.
21. All the ways I misunderstand, misapply and misuse the concept of Oneness, I release, dissolve and let go now.
22. All the unrealistic expectations that are projected on each other, all insistence and compulsion on how the other responds, I release dissolve and let go now.
23. All the ways I resist being perceived as selfish, I release dissolve and let go now.
24. All the ways I have self-care confused with selfishness, I release, dissolve and let go now.
25. All the ways I have devotion confused with slavery, I release, dissolve and let go now.
26. All the ways that agreement or submission are taken to be proof of love, and disagreement or independent points of view are taken to be the absence of love, I release, dissolve and let go now.
27. Any craving for belonging and acceptance that contributes to imbalanced dynamics, dysfunctional soul agreements and contracts of slavery or domination, I release, dissolve and let go now.
28. Any ways in which my temptation, habit or desire to abdicate responsibility contributes to the setting of inappropriate boundaries, I release, dissolve and let go now.

(You can consolidate the above by closing with a quick round of  NOW Healing:
Run your attention quickly up your centre as you  read each of these statements:

• Align To Wholeness Now
• Repair Energy Field Now
• Assimilate and Reintegrate Changes Now
• Align To Wholeness Now.

)

PS: If you feel these clearings may benefit someone else, please share them.

Image: Natural Installations By Gerry Barry