Healing The Feminine and Restoring Yin Yang Balance With Self Awareness.

All around us, we are seeing the unveiling of secrets and the exposure of what has been suppressed or denied for years. How women have been treated was rather obvious, but is perhaps being questioned far more than it has been for decades.

Whether it be the fallout of the American political drama, the rape victims all over the world, the housewife subjugated to domestic violence/more subtle but persistent domination/humiliation, the career woman facing the glass ceiling/sexual harassment, or the sadly common threat/disrespect that every female deals with on a daily basis – it is all boiling out into the open.

While the restoration of balance between the Yang(masculine) and Yin(feminine) energies is clearly needed, how we go about trying to arrive at that also needs some thought.  In the pendulum swinging away from one extreme, we often swing far too much in the opposite direction.

Hurt is best healed when it is acknowledged in our self, and witnessed in the other.  Too often, it lies buried under rage, resignation, indifference or blame. Consequently, attention and aggression is directed outwards while the pain itself may remain unaddressed.

Before we try to direct a change in the outer world, it serves us to first arrive at peace within ourselves.  For then, we are able to engage mindfully and appropriately with the manifest.

Women need the compassionate space to reveal and heal their ancient, individual and collective wounds. They have to learn to love, forgive and accept themselves for all they have endured, and knowingly or unknowingly invited or inflicted – on each other as well as on men.
Similarly, men too, have to be allowed a similar space to introspect, forgive themselves and allow their own gentler aspects of vulnerability, empathy, and compassion to emerge.

Those who agree that owning and addressing our inner turbulence is necessary may be struggling with the how of it.  In support of them, I offer below a selection of articles that can serve in the process. Most of these are directly addressed to women, but for those who are interested, searching the blog will provide you with very many other healing scripts/poems and practices.

Additionally, meditating upon the energetically charged Yin Balancing Art and/or Mandala image below has been found impactful by many women.
The first (a digital painting) was channeled during a powerful lunar eclipse.  It is intended to help with the restoration of balance between male and female energies, within us as also in the world at large.  Use this image to own, strengthen, balance and express the feminine energies.
The second was an Ojo I spun chanting Ho’oponopono after a particularly brutal attack on a woman had rocked our nation. It’s soothing energies bring back a gentle strength.

Lastly, the poem below is intended to help one remember that true freedom – wherein we need not judge/suppress feminine qualities, but own them and be ourselves fearlessly. (Try tapping it in with EFT and see how you feel.)

Relevant Articles(in no particular order):

Once there has been some honest inner clearing, you may feel ready to go beyond the confines of labels, archetypes, and genders.  (I feel that is necessary before we can transcend our identification with a personality(male or female)). At which point, you could use this clearing: What Meaning Having You Given This One Thing?

 

yin-energies_numbered

The genie is out of the bottle.
Do not attempt to fit Her back in.
No more bargaining over favors:

Her freedom no longer dependent on your whims
Or her ability to meet your needs,
Blend, constrict and fit in.

You may be surprised to find
That her generosity now flows unabated
Instead of drying up.

Now that She does not have to pay
Her being as a price
She only becomes what She always was.

Like the elephant tied down by a simple peg
Amnesia and conditioning
Had had Her caged.

But just as once water remembers itself
It remains not confined, nor stagnant, nor afraid:
All limiting forms eventually fade.

Continually transforming,
Finding ways
To revisit Home, the higher skies

Yet She returns from there, again and again,
As does nurturing rain when the earth turns dry…
With the love that had always been hidden within – more clarified.

divine-feminine-mandala

If you find any of this useful, please share the post widely with others. Let us support each other in whatever ways we can.

What Meaning Have You Given To This One Thing?

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I will probably continue to share more clearings, but at the moment I feel that this one concise clearing addresses the crux of any emotional difficulty we are facing.

All our troubles start and end with our identification with a limited self. Anything and everything that happens, we habitually and compulsively weave into a narrative.  We keep trying to give the happening a meaning and understand our ‘self’ in it’s context.  We then cling to our interpretation, and keep trying to prove or disprove this conclusion(more correctly, hypothesis) to ourselves and others – which leads to its growing importance in our minds.

Pretty soon, whether it be a business opportunity or failure, new job or leaving a familiar city, marriage or divorce or being single, financial abundance or scarcity, weight gain or loss, anxiety or physical disease, birth or death of a loved one – it all boils down to what we decide it means to us and about us.

Further, instead of accepting the happenings of life, the ebbs and flows, the impermanence and changeability and the laws of nature themselves, we take it all most personally – thereby creating suffering and discontent for our ‘self’.

What can help is a return to a childlike innocence, lightness and openness:  Where we engage playfully and then move on without giving any falls, or scrapes lasting importance. The trophies and peak experiences are also held lightly, and take up our attention for only about as long as do our tears.
Thus, things become more about living deeply in the moment rather than about our compelling story and its complex lead character(our ‘self’).

If you would like to lead a more easeful, allowing life that feels one with the flow – try this for any situation that tends to drain your energy or captivate your attention. This clearing is equally relevant to those things that we obsessively seek for pleasure as those that we resist from fear of pain.

For best results, take one particular subject at a time. Now, placing your attention on this issue, use the clearing:

“All the meaning and undue significance that I have given this,
All the ways that I hold on to this,
All that I have decided that this says about me,
All the ways in which I have let this define, limit and contract me,
All the ways in which this has made me forget who I truly am,
I release, dissolve and let go now.

(Inhale a slow deep breath and exhale as you read the above, tap in with EFT, or use with any clearing process of your choice. You will probably immediately feel a little lighter.  If required, repeat a few times until you feel complete.)

Please don’t let the fact that this clearing is simple, focused, and free  – and not packaged as a long-drawn, complex process, nor offered as an expensive audio, workshop or webinar – make you underestimate its power and value. Do give it your fair consideration 🙂

Would be happy to hear how you feel after trying this out.
And if you feel it useful, please do share it with others.

 

Poems: Break Out

Bronze Sculpture by M.C. Escher

A long, long time ago
There arrived the thought
That love was something dangerous
Mysterious and unreliable:
It led to all kinds of grief, tears,and loss

That there was no way to tame it
Contain what it brought:
The confusion, foolishness
Futility of unending fears
Inconvenient changes
It sometimes wrought

And that day it was decided
By the previously innocent mind
Be careful! Guard yourself.
Impose restrictions
Safety measures, gates and limits,
Not everyone or everything is kind.

There came into place a cage
Of all these imagined fears and plots
Counter-strategies to play safe
Keep out what the heart sought

Confined by these boundaries
Fluid nature became ice
Hard and cold as stone
Brittle and fragile…
That was the heavy price.

So an identity took form
Gradually fleshing out stories
Fixating upon other characters
Making them out to be solid and real too
This is how the idea
Of a separate, vulnerable self grew.

Here, the idea of safety and territory took root.
Before this, in a seamless, flowing world
There was no question of a me or you….
Simply different possible locations
From which to experience life
As a temporary point of view.

But now we have forgotten all that
Forgotten what was felt and known true
That nothing real can be threatened
And all the angels and demons
We run obsessively from or to
They are all but a dream,
An illusion we have bought into.

All because a prison was imposed,
Love was titrated fine:
“Just enough to keep one alive
Too much and one goes blind”.

What would change
If that were not the case?
If love and foolishness
Were no longer confused?
If the pointlessness of damming flow,
Of defending and attacking
Was realized and understood?

What kind of a paradigm
Would this one transform into?

 
 

(Bronze Sculpture by M.C.Escher)

Are You Being Supportive Or Intrusive?

lions rainforest site

In playing the role of a parent, a caregiver, a supportive friend, a healer, a mentor and the like, one of the most delicate balances to achieve is that between ‘being’ and ‘doing’.  The meaning of these oft used spiritual phrases are likely best understood through personal experience.

Theory cannot restrain the empathy or impulse to reach out actively to the ones we care for.  Nor can we be blind or deaf to the sometimes stated and at other times silent cries for help.  The teachings do not draw clear boundaries demarcating, “Here, it is best you step in.  Here, it is best you wait it out.

Byron Katie’s sound advice to “Mind your own business” will make complete sense at times. And at other times, the Dalai Lama’s words, “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others.” will make one wonder if not ‘doing’ anything is misguided, or erroneous in some way.

I, myself have struggled with which place to operate from often enough.  I described my swing from ‘Empathy’ to ‘Detachment’, before coming to a more balanced rest at ‘Compassionate Understanding & Non-Attachment’ in my post, “Breathe in Pain, Breathe out Joy”.

But over the years, I have found that the response arising from this understanding can yet take various forms.  There are times when simply being available as a safe, holding space is appropriate and at other times, being straight-forward, as clear and impassive a mirror as one can – is the healthiest response.  There are times intervention is the requirement, for the person may be too emotionally or physically hurt to pick themselves up.  At yet other times, we must sit with the pain of watching loved ones falter  their own way through the falls that teach them how to rise and move on.

This post was prompted by a friend sharing a touching video (see below) with me.  It shows a newly born foal attempting to stand up for the first time.  It reminded me of a similar scene I had witnessed at a stud farm many years ago.  When I reached the stables, the foal was barely five hours old. An awkward, tottering delight, the foal stumbled around as its mother stood by with a fond, watchful eye.

To say I was awestruck would be an understatement.  The foal’s tenacity, determination and also dazed sense of wonder at this whole new world was tangible.  The mother’s pride, concern, patience and overwhelming love was palpable.  I was reeling at the thought of how quickly this animal had to learn to stand on its own feet and how intense this process of learning and caring was.

I could not help but compare this with my own protective watchfulness over my nephew.  (He was only a couple of years old at that time, and had been in my care much of the duration.)  I wondered if I would ever be able to stand back and let him get his own bruises and knocks. How does one ever learn that?

Well, over the years, life teaches us many things.  I found that while it may have taken a couple of decades, I am able to be centered far more often now.  With those closest to me, it is the most difficult.  There is still the occasional temptation to jump right in and urge them to move in a way that I believe would be best.  But I know that such entanglement is not healthy, as at such times I have disconnected from Source.  My identification with a role and my perception of its duties and responsibilities actually interferes with allowing inspiration.  The way to return to flow is by revisiting what I have learned so far:

  • Learning to be comfortable with pain and uncertainty: The more I am at ease with these, the less of the ego-centric, fear- based compulsions to ‘fix things’, prod myself or others.
  • Learning to let go of the need for fixed outcomes: I remind myself that what I imagine as the best outcome may not necessarily be so.  There is much that I do not know.  Whatever happens, eventually turns out for the best.
  • Letting go of the need to play savior: Many of us tend to buy into the savior complex in our early days.  When you find tools and processes that have demonstrated change, you become eager to spare others the pain that you have known.  I remind myself that no matter how close they may be to me – everyone has to lead their own life.  At their own pace.

No amount of the most intelligent, analytical, or disciplined ‘doership’ can substitute for life’s innate wisdom and happening.  Much like the mother horse instinctively knowing when she should nudge her ward, and when she should be available non-intrusively in the background, we too can find the space of being – where all doing arises optimally.

The above are only broad brush strokes of layered subjects.  The critical point being: the more I get myself out of the way, the more empty, present and aware that I become – the more spontaneously and easily – an appropriate response arises.

Then there is no longer any intellectual quandary between being and doing – in its stead is a simple, clear knowing and it’s natural, effortless expression.

PS:  My apologies to those who continue to be at the receiving end of my remaining ‘doership’ habit 🙂

 

Image Source:  The Rainforest Site FB Page

Beyond Drama

Victim, Villain, Hero, Sage.
Captivating roles that keep us engaged.

What would it be like to see the long repeating patterns in our relationships in a different light?

What would it be like to be free of these old, habitual stories and their consequent drama and trauma?

I shared the poem below on Facebook a few days back and it struck a chord with many of the readers. Based on their response, I feel that tapping it in with EFT may be helpful, in resigning from any dramatic roles one may have auditioned or signed up for, and choosing freedom instead.

We seek the exact match
To the frequency we want to keep alive
Or the frequency that we thought
Has us defined

So the doormat finds the feet
The savior the weak
The conman his mark
And the blessed,
Angels in human form

Examine your contracts and vows
Neutralize descriptions and names
Tear up the terms and conditions
Invite the other to do the same

We don’t have to perpetuate our illusions
Let’s wipe the slate clean
Release each other
From the roles we offer and keep

There is no need
For either to suffer more
Guilt, blame, pain or shame
Erase this habitual pattern and story
Let us our freedom reclaim

Synchronistically, I came across this beautiful song on WordPress.  Thanks to Monica Cassani for posting it at Beyond Meds:

Related EFT Tapping Scripts:

Resigning From Playing Villain
Stepping Out of the Cage

A Powerful Centering Tool

flickr/kalexanderson

“All the ways in which you are choosing

Shallow over Meaningful
Pretence over Authenticity
Conformity over Creativity
Habit over Presence
Denial over Awareness
Repression over Expression
Approval over Self-acceptance
Incompletion over Wholeness
Fear over Love
Past over Present
Fantasy over Reality
Stagnation over Change
Familiarity over Flow
Resignation over Acceptance
Seeking over Remembering
Procrastinating over Living Fully Now…

Would you be willing to uncreate, delete and destroy across all time, space and dimensions right now?”

You can use the above in any or all of the following ways:

  1. Use along with the Access Consciousness Clearing Statement. For an audio recording that you can loop, click here.
  2. Tap along the EFT points as you read or listen to these words.
  3. Contemplate these statements and note the thoughts, images and sensations that arise without judgment.

In all cases, be open to allowing your insights and inner guidance to show up and then take suitable actions where ever required.

As always, the request is to share your experience and if you find this useful, please share it with friends and family.  Thank you!

Image Credit: Flickr/Kalexanderson (Creative Commons License) 

Are You Singing Your Own Song Or Dancing To Another Tune?

Sing your own song

What is at the bottom of the discontent and restlessness that so many of us are grappling with today? We imagine that we are not good enough, or do not have enough because of the absence of some person, object or circumstance.  In reality, we have it backwards.  Everything that is wistfully parked in the future creates and contributes to an experience of lack. These thoughts concretize the belief that there is somewhere you have to reach, something you have to obtain, achieve or prove – so that you can feel a certain way.

Imagine for a moment that you already have the fame and recognition, wealth, dream vocation, ideal partner, or the vital statistics you have been chasing.  What really comes out of any of this?  A feeling.  A feeling of ease, a lightness of being – the sudden freedom to do whatever you feel like, be spontaneous and unmasked – simply enjoying the expression of whatever emerges from this sense of unbounded potential.

We seek this particular feeling: a sense of completion, wholeness, ease and expansion.  The description may differ for each one, but the bottom line is that you desire to be a certain way.  You want to be in your own zone, your home frequency.

The discomfort of not operating at our natural frequency results in exhausting struggle, intentional and unintentional compromises and manipulations, attempts to control people, events and life itself.  Consequently we remain trapped in a self perpetuating loop of insufficiency, anxiety, fear, urgency and an ominous sense of inevitable failure.  Neediness, dependency, sticky attachment and consequent victimhood all result from losing touch with our Self.

Further, as the ‘objectives’ themselves are subject to change, any taste of security or accomplishment is eventually transient. The consequent despair keeps us in a state of inadequacy and failure.  The very energy we started with itself brings us compression instead of expansion, bondage instead of freedom, fear instead of love.

In contrast, imagine starting from a space of abundance, wholeness and completion.  Knowing your infinite potential, expressing and playing from this space. Wouldn’t the whole journey become an exploration filled with curiosity and lightness? Tuning into our home frequency puts us in that place of wholeness right from the word go.

Dan Millman describes an African tribe that “… recognize that every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavor and purpose.”  ‘Finding Your Song‘ describes how the community supports each individual in anchoring into their own song from conception, through life, until death, in more detail.  (Do follow the link.)

While we are capable of myriad expression, this individual vibration or home frequency seems to be the one we came to ‘sing’ while in this particular form. It just feels right. But how does one embody this way of being?  That frees us from our dependency and attachment to external factors and centers us in the space we have been seeking all this while?  How do we tune into our home frequency?

Here are four suggestions:

  1. Identify –  Devote attention to this critical aspect.  First, remind yourself that  you have already experienced it.  However long ago, and however briefly – you have lived it.  However, you may have forgotten how to recognize it.  What can  help is asking yourself questions like, “When did I last feel at home? In flow? In the moment? Fearless? Capable and Confident? Present? Unconcerned with future outcomes? At ease in my own skin? Generous, warm and open? Joyful? Peaceful?”
    The error one can make is in assuming that this feeling is only found in ‘positive’ situations.It may very well have been experienced in the courage to continue in a difficult situation, in the aching heart after a painful loss, or the heightened awareness in a crisis. This is a zone where we are in tune with the larger picture and know, that at a fundamental level, there is nothing to fear or lose.  It is a state of complete trust and non-resistance.  By limiting our acceptance to ‘pleasure’ or ‘happy’ states we deny our wholeness.If you get specific memories, deliberately relive them in your mind.  
    Pay great attention to body sensations. Notice how you feel, how you sound, how you look in the mirror, your body language, all of it.  Write all this down. (If you don’t recall anything specific, revisit the questions frequently.  The movement will begin at an energetic level.)
  2. Discern – Far too often, your voice has been corrected or suppressed and you may have taken on someone else’s ‘song’ as your own.  You may need to unlearn the lessons of childhood and begin to ask yourself if any superficial comfort truly reflects who you are; if these are your own choices, preferences and priorities, or something you were taught.  We have an inbuilt need to belong and fit in.  In trying to conform, you could be chasing things you don’t even want.  “Who does it belong to” is a useful Access Consciousness tool.  Asking this around a thought or feeling will help you to discern what is yours and not yours.  Any tightness, shortness of breath, uneasiness, heaviness and so forth are all indicators that it is not yours.  This awareness will start dissolving the any distortion and noise.
  3. Anchor, Amplify and Practise –  Because we have become experts at ignoring our feelings, emotions and intuition, we tend to neglect moments of insight and knowing.  Habit and cultural admiration for busyness and stress lends us a false sense of importance. Begin to notice which activities, surroundings and interactions trigger the same feelings that you noted in Step 1.  Create more of these opportunities for yourself.  Repeated encounters will increase the familiarity and ease with which you can return to your frequency.When you notice being in your zone, instruct yourself to ‘turn up the volume’ and deepen the attention you give the sensations.  Train your body and mind to become sensitive to these moments.
  4. Clearings – History has a way of showing up.  Using processes of inquiry such as The Work, and or energy clearing tools like Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT), Access Consciousness or Now Healing, you can reduce the mental and energetic disruptions that prevents you from identifying, discerning and embodying your home frequency.  (Browse this blog for related articles, EFT scripts and other practises.)
  5. By regularly tuning in to our home frequency, while consistently clearing any interference that shows up, we begin to stabilize in our zone.  The more you are located there, the greater the trust in yourself and in the flow of life.  Being present and graceful acceptance of all of life becomes the norm rather than the exception. We finally experience the joy of being ourselves with ease and freedom.

    Isn’t it time to sing your own song?

    If you like the this article, please do share with others.  As Howard Thurman said, “What the world needs is people who have come alive.”

     

    Image Source : Steve D. Hammond, Flickr.com