4 Cues To Transform Your Relationships

image

Have you ever had an insight that made you re-examine a past conversation in a radically new way?  That made you think, “If I had known this before, I would have behaved differently”?

Transparent, clear communication is often difficult to achieve.  Being able to state our thoughts, feelings, intent and requests candidly, with neither arrogance nor apology is an art we all continue to learn with experience.

It is human nature to desire connection.  The irony is that it is a sense of ‘self’ that seeks to meet another, but the more we are locked in the perspective of this ‘self’, the greater the separation from ‘another’.  So how does one move out of one’s own limited point of view and see things from a fresh angle in the present moment?  Here are 4 re-minder questions and their corresponding cues.  By using these single word prompts, we can halt the agitated train of thoughts and instantly open up new ways of connecting.

1. How am I seeing this and why?
Cue: Breathe
With this we intentionally develop a greater degree of self-awareness.  Being conscious minimizes our own contribution to any misunderstandings. Imagining that you are breathing in and out of your heart helps establish heart coherence.  As we all respond to not only the words, tone and body language, but also to the energies of the other person, heart coherence can play a pivotal role in inviting a healthy, open dialogue.

2. How is the other perceiving this and why?
Cue: Translate
Next we look to notice what’s happening with the other person. We have all experienced how inner conflict and or acute emotions can cloud our communication abilities.  For example we can sound angry when we are fearful and appear aloof when we are hurt. There is possibly an underlying need or request from the other that we may be missing. We tend to take things personally and react to that. But in reality, the other person’s health, wellbeing, history, conditioning and so many other factors are at play. Besides, the same words can hold a different memory, meaning or emotional charge for each of us.  (Eg.:  A  teenager may use slang casually, but an elder may take it as a deliberate insult.)  Instead of letting the apparent distract you, look for the less obvious.  “Translate” is thus a useful reminder to look to understand what the other is actually trying to convey. I call it ‘a magical spell’ because it miraculously transforms my stance to a more open, flexible and compassionate state.

How to activate this cue for yourself:

Essentially, we create an anchor/auditory command to instantly re-mind ourselves. For some, simply reading this and setting the intent will be enough. 
Or you can use the Karate Chop point (from EFT) as it helps us memorize things more easily:  So tapping on the side of your hand, say aloud: “When I use ‘Translate’, I remember not to take this personally; to notice and acknowledge the other’s perspective, feelings and underlying intent without judgment, to receive this information and respond with as much wisdom and kindness as I can.”  Repeat this 3 times.

Now the next time you find yourself in a trying situation, all you need to do is take a deep breath and internally say, “Translate!”   This is a wonderfully simple, effective way to immediately experience a whole new dynamic.  It raises the vibe of the interaction from between the personas’(more convoluted) viewpoint to that between the ‘higher selves’, or those parts of us with higher wisdom and awareness.

3.How can I see this differently?
Cue: Reframe
‘Breathe’ and ‘Translate’ enable us to understand the current event and all concerned better.  Where a single conclusion had been drawn before, other explanations become more plausible now.  With ‘Reframe’, we deliberately choose to rewrite the ‘story’ we have around the relationship or recurring behaviors in a way that highlights aspects we may have missed before. For eg.  Instead of the story, ‘she always pulls me down, she is jealous of my success’ you may find yourself reviewing your friend’s consistent ‘criticism’ as ‘she is so protective and supportive, trying to help me be my best’.  Or, ‘her criticism has been remarkable for my growing attention to detail’. Deliberately seeking different understanding changes our response and new possibilities open up, where none may have been viable before.  Hence, ‘Reframe’ in itself can be quite transformational. 

However, we can take this to a breakthrough level by invoking prayer:  Grace is enabled by the acknowledgment of the divine.  I personally believe that sacred relationships always involve a third element, a higher presence if you will.  And the next question is based on this premise. 

This question and cue emerged in conversation with my wise friend, Erica Taraporevala (another practitioner of mindfulness).  Several synchronicities led us to discuss Lesson 130 from ‘A Course In Miracles (ACIM)’, which states: “It is impossible to see two worlds.” 

The Lesson explains:

What you see reflects your thinking. And your thinking but reflects your choice of what you want to see.

Fear has made everything you think you see. All separation, all distinctions, and the multitude of differences you believe make up the world. They are not there.

Begin your searching for the other world by asking for a strength beyond your own, and recognizing what it is you seek. You do not want illusions.”* 

We surmised that the lesson asks us to look at the personal stories we have created around our experience and to re-interpret them from a far more universal, timeless understanding:  To see from a place of truth, love and acceptance, rather than illusion, fear and resistance.

It was also obvious to us that it can be difficult to see beyond the veils of our persistent story. However, Erica and I like to apply teachings that appeal to us in the context of our daily lives.  So when I shared my previous 3 cues with her, she wondered if we could experiment with another anchor, as we do with ‘Translate’.  This time, bearing in mind the quotes given above, the prayerful intent of the cue would be to “Re-interpret the happenings and the story in the outer world in a way that I be aware of what Source is pointing towards.”  (You can replace Source with God, Holy Spirit, or Universe as per your belief system.)

For all our profound discussions, the two of us do retain a sense of humor and playfulness.  As Erica is concurrently immersed in a happy reading of Harry Potter, she said it would sound more fun in Latin.  And so ‘Interpretantur’ was chosen as our new ‘spell’.  Consequently, the question and cue:

4. How does Source view this and what can I learn from that?
Cue: Interpretantur
First set up the command as described for ‘Translate’.  Once you have re-minded yourself to ‘Breathe’, you can try to ‘Translate’ and ‘Reframe’, or directly say ‘Interpretantur’ in your mind.  Some who have tried this are amazed at the changes that ensue.  It is like the beautiful revelation in a kaleidoscope pattern brought about by a gentle movement in our holding position.

Here is one example:  A friend, say M, has had a troubled relationship with her mother.  For years, she felt alienated and misunderstood.  But life being the way it is, she is caring for her in her old age, while the other children are only occasional visitors.  When a recent visit from a sister triggered the inner child’s frustration and anger, M first breathed consciously to control her outburst.  She then went straight to ‘Interpretantur’.

She reports that she felt an instantaneous shift. From finding the situation hopeless and unfair, she suddenly thought, “In my childhood, my mother was a different person.  She was grappling with her own emotions, conditions.  She saw me as a potentially disruptive influence on her other children and did what she had to out of her fear.  Today she has grown, as have I.  Because I was left alone for so long, I could explore more, become stronger and more independent.  By being  brought together now, we have been able to understand and know each other far better than was possible then.  This situation is not an imposition but a blessing.”  She added, “It is one thing to describe these things intellectually.  But ‘Interpretantur’ got me to know it, in one miraculous moment.  Amazing.”

As in prayer, the intent and usage infuse the cues with energy.  A common understanding or agreement on what they mean to us strengthens their efficacy.  As more accounts of such epiphanies came about, we decided to share this publicly.  We invite you to try the cues for yourself and write in with your experience.  And if you found this article useful, please share it with others.  Wouldn’t we all enjoy a world with kinder and clearer communication?

 

John Lubbock quote

*Additional Note:  A related section, Chapter 5 (ACIM) on healing and wholeness says,“1. The ego made the world as it perceives it, but the Holy Spirit, the re-interpreter of what the ego made, sees the world as a teaching device for bringing you home. 2. The Holy Spirit must perceive time, and reinterpret it into the timeless. 3. He must work through opposites, because He must work with and for a mind that is in opposition. 4. Correct and learn, and be open to learning. 5. You have not made truth, but truth can still set you free. 6. Look as the Holy Spirit looks, and understand as He understands.”

Are You An Earth Sensitive? and Why You Need to Know

6 Elements - Earth Healing Mandala - woven by Sangeeta Bhagwat

It takes only about 5 minutes of news to make the most resilient of us feel exhausted and dismayed.  Current world events, weather disruptions and mishaps seem to be growing in frequency and scale.  While some articles describing the traits of Empaths and Highly Sensitive Persons have been doing the rounds, there is relatively less information available for Earth Sensitives.  For them, the current times can be overwhelming.  Even more so, if you do not even realize what is happening with you and why.

To me, labels have their limitations and I use all these terms more as pointers rather  than rigorous classifications.  My intent here is to provide some practical, useful  checklists for those who may have been seeking such support. I myself fit the descriptions of an Empath, HSP as well as an Earth Sensitive.

Previously, I have shared several Tools For Empaths.  I strongly recommend referring to that comprehensive article as well.  Here, I focus on those perceiving changes in the earth energies, weather, solar storms, water pollution and the like through emotions and sensations in their own body. Have you had any of the following symptoms for which there seems to be no apparent medical reason?

  1. Disturbed sleep patterns
  2. Restlessness
  3. Acute episodes of anxiety
  4. Inexplicable periods of fatigue
  5. Inexplicable and compelling need to rest or sleep
  6. Oversensitivity to loud noises or changes in temperature
  7. Sudden and acute feeling of heat or cold in the body
  8. Tingling of extremities
  9. Dizziness
  10. Sudden pain in particular body parts (often the lower back)
  11. Need to withdraw and go silent
  12. Yearning to connect more deeply with nature

This is not an exhaustive list as each one of us tends to experience different sensations.  But it does work as a pointer.  If you are an Earth Sensitive, in all probability, just reading this broad description of symptoms will trigger the knowing within you.  You can validate this for yourself by paying more attention to the timing, intensity, coming and going of these symptoms.

For many years now, because I know that my body is giving me an awareness of an earth event, when I experience any of my own symptoms, I look up earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, major weather events, solar weather and large scale disasters.   I include man-made disasters(accidents, acts of terror, war, etc.) in the scope of Earth Sensitives (and not just empaths) as these in fact hurt Gaia.  Now I can usually tell which of these is the trigger and roughly where it has happened before I find the news article.  I have tested this long enough to satisfy the skeptic in myself.  But it took a long while to understand, accept and address what is happening peacefully. So if you feel you are an Earth Sensitive too, here are my suggestions for self care:

  1. Learn to trust yourself:  Everyone who has a knowing is actually quite clear about it.  It is the mind that tells us all kind of doubting stories.
  2. Learn to discern: This is not in contradiction to the first.  It is a corollary.  You will experience sensations that are your own, other people’s and also the earth’s.  By being more mindful and open to the answer you receive, instead of judging and dismissing your intuition, you will build upon your ability to discern accurately. Access Consciousness offers some nice tools to help with this.  You can ask the following questions:
    1. Who does this belong to?
    2. Is it earth or someone else?
    3. What can I do with it? (*more on this later)

    Truth makes one feel lighter and more expansive while false answers make one feel heavy or constricted.

  3. Ensure you get frequent and regular earthing: The health benefits of earthing are significant for everyone but are especially important for earth sensitives.  Walking barefeet on earth, grass or the beach will help ground much of the energy.
  4. Ensure proper hydration: You are processing vast amount of energies and drinking adequate water is important.  Too many of us do not realize when we are dehydrated.
  5. Use Energy Balancing techniques: You can avail of any of the numerous tips provided in Tools For Empaths.  In addition, there are a few simple energy exercises that can be helpful.   Some of these are:
  6. Soothing music: Solfeggio frequencies or brain entrainment embedded music can be particularly helpful.  However, there is no rule.  Any music you are drawn to helps.
  7. Artistic Expression of all kinds is especially helpful when you feel a strong download of energy and it needs to be grounded(manifested) into the physical world.

Personal experience tells me that pretending the symptoms away does not work, neither does neglecting the information we are thus receiving. Which brings me to the promise of the title and the intent behind this post:

Why do you need to know if you are an Earth Sensitive?
You need to know, now, more than ever – because the Earth is calling for your support. 

The changes that the planet and the collective are going through are showing up through the extreme situations we witness globally today, as well as in our personal lives.  We have a part to play in this drama.  We can choose to ignore our knowing, play helpless victims suffering the experience, or choose differently:   We can honor our gifts by meeting the urgent need for loving attention from the planet.  We can do this by proactively supporting the processing of the energies in a way that benefits us all.

All the violence that we have inflicted on each other, on other beings and on the elements themselves has led to disrupted energies and trapped emotions in many places, as well as in ourselves.  Like cellular memories in individuals, these ‘memories’ tend to replay again and again.  No wonder we say ‘history repeats itself’.

Water plays a significant part in all this.  Just as our bodies are 70%-80% water, the planet also has a substantial component of water.  If you are not familiar with Masaru Emoto’s work, do have a look at the photographs of water crystals before and after prayers, to see the physical impact of both our neglect and loving attention.

While many healers, meditators and those convinced of the tangible benefits of practices such as TM and heart coherence have been actively working on releasing and balancing these energies in individuals, I believe that there is an equal need to focus our attention and intention on spaces and elements as well. 

Once you feel more balanced with some self care, and if you would like to contribute towards healing the earth, here are some ways:

  1. Follow Your Inner Guidance: To act on what you know is perhaps the most challenging part.  Because you may feel called to do things or be at places for which you can offer no rational explanation.  And sometimes, you may feel like you should be focusing your attention on an earth event, but you may be guided to ‘mind your own business’.  There almost seems to be an ‘assignment’ of events and the useful thing seems to be to address what you are ‘told’ to and not invite any more (or less).  I have been following guidance to go to certain places and do clearings, or activate energy grids.  But a great many hours have also gone in remote practice. You never know what to expect.  All I can say is that not listening worsens my symptoms, while honoring the guidance has led me to some amazing, awe-inspiring, synchronistic experiences that have totally validated my choices.
  1. Strengthen Your Trust: For me, the lesson in trust had to be learned before I received the assurance of validation.  For many years, there were self doubts (after all, in my other avatar I write stories!) and practically no way to establish if I was making any contribution.  But as the mind has quietened, the knowing has grown more certain and the trust is more constant.
  1. One Step At A Time: Frequently, the information and energies downloaded unfold through gradual revelations.  For example, you may feel drawn to a particular location without knowing why, until you get there.  It’s almost like a patient treasure-hunt.  Follow the clues and cues.
  1. Use Healing Techniques:  If you are familiar with any energy healing practices – apply those techniques to spaces, land parcels, water bodies, etc. Most of these can be done remotely, or at the location.  Many of them are easy to learn:
    1. Reiki, light or similar energy can be specifically directed towards these with the intention of clearing and healing.
    2. Join the Global Coherence Initiative that uses Heart Math techniques.
    3. Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT) can be used for specific clearings. Eg. Videos from Brad Yates for the Oceans and Rainforest.
    4. NOW Healing – Elma Mayer shares a video for healing Urban Waterways.
    5. Emotion Code can be used to release trapped emotions in a land or site.
    6. Access Tools – Numerous questions and clearing statement for contributing to the earth are available. You can google for these.
    7. One particularly easy tool from Access is to say “Whatever the earth wants of me, I contribute now.” and shake both hands out vigorously (towards the earth) three times saying “1,2,3”.
    8. Those familiar with entity clearing can deliberately approach sites of conflict, deep rooted history, or where intuitively drawn and work to release these.
    9. Work with trees. This can be done intuitively.  For a detailed writeup click here.
    10. The Agnihotra practice is reportedly very beneficial for the environment. Learn more about it and see if it appeals to you.
    11. Ho’oponopono: The ancient Hawaain practice of taking 100% responsibility for the world you perceive and continuous repetition of the prayer “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.”  ‘cleans the memories’ .  (For almost a year now, I have made it a discipline to repeat this prayer every time I use water – whether it be to drink, wash, or water the plants!  I deliberately shared this with a handful of friends, to ensure that I remain mindful in my practice and rarely do I lapse now. Sharing such a commitment  with others can be helpful in maintaining a practice.)
    12. Download the free New Vibes symbols from my site and charge your drinking water with these.
  1. Be Present: The bottom line is that if we are present, empty and available, what needs to happen, happens effortlessly.  So while the previous list is the more active or yang way to contribute, the yin way is simple (but most often requires a practice):
  • Wherever you are, become quiet and still.
  • If you are working on a remote location, take your attention there.
  • Notice the underlying presence.
  • Energies may move through you or you may feel deep stillness.  Either is fine.
  • Stay in awareness for as long as you feel called to.

Despite any chaos, whether current or historical, there is underlying grace waiting to be brought forth.  Be the one to see it and bring it alive.  As ACIM says, “It is impossible to see two worlds.”(more on that in another post).  I have found that earth grid activations and connections tend to happen spontaneously through us in this manner.  You may feel called to tend to these locations subsequently, by repeating similar follow-up sessions.

To conclude, I have focused on energy and awareness here, but this in no way takes away from the option of actions such as mindful consumption of resources, physically cleaning up spaces or actively participating in activities of organizations working towards a greener, more peaceful earth.

For those who have made it to the very end of this long article – I thank you for your time and patience!  Do let me know if you find this article useful or interesting, and please do pass it on to others as well.

The Earth needs all of us to be more aware and participative right now.  Please help in making that possible!

 

Earth Poetry

Poems: Homecoming

image

Home. Such a precious word.
Describing far more than a place.
It is all the times and spaces
You are at ease, safe.

Where all blindfolds have been removed,
Protective Kevlar set aside,
Chuckles gurgle past the lips
And tears need not hide

Where fingers snap and feet tap
To the beat of silent songs
When there is nothing to prove
Or attain, but simply carry on

Carry on being alive
Vividly. Brightly. Aware.
Knowing this is but an exotic game
And you have the courage to meet the dare.

You search for counterfeit comfort
In strange, distant lands
Or breathlessly await the gift
from another’s hands

While all along it waits patiently within,
Constant. Consistent. Available on demand

Related Post: Are You Singing Your Own Song Or Dancing To Another Tune?

 

Poems: I Am Present

image
I am the guardian
Of that part of you

Which melts in sunshine
Celebrates rain
Burns in fire
Bows, to the earth,
And to the breath
That all of life sustain
The part that understands
The whispers of the trees
That hidden self which knows
The language of birds, animals and bees

I am the reminder
Of who you really are:

Not the face you see in the mirror
But the core essence of your being
The one who is as wondering as a child
Curious, adventurous, alive, trusting.
The mother, the artist, the nurturer
Of all that is sacred, subtle, all seeing

I am the one who energizes you
Keeps your spirit fanned and alive

The one who sees for you the magic
To which you sometimes become blind
The one who creates clear space for you
When you indulge in illusion, distraction, noise
The sparkling fountain of joyful peace
When life seems like one endless night
In what seems like overwhelming darkness
I tend an inextinguishable flame of light

Don’t pretend you don’t know me
Or can no longer reach me.
We have never parted ways,
Not in the past,
Nor in the coming days.
I am present. Right here.

Notice.
See.
Acknowledge.
That’s all one needs
To restore inner peace.

 

A Slice Of Foreign Life

 Budapest Castle

As I prepared for my travel to Eastern Europe last month, I began looking for interesting places in Prague and Budapest.  Searching travel blogs and reviews, I came across two unusual write-ups.  They intrigued me sufficiently for me to decide that Vyserhad and Attila’s Mound were places I would definitely visit.  Even as I was being influenced by these articles, I could not help but wonder as to how much weightage I should give to one writer’s opinion.   It made me resolute to remain aware and open to whatever I encountered in my experience, without being overly biased by anyone else’s conclusions.

During the travel, I met several interesting people from diverse backgrounds.  I also heard many animated conversations in cafes and parks.  Listening to these, I realized that each traveler was going to return with a crisp summary of the local conditions.  As they shared their experience, many others would come to view this destination through their eyes.  So the tourist who got patient directions from a store assistant would return describing the locals as ‘friendly and helpful’.  Whereas the lady who got a poor exchange rate would label the locals as ‘thieving opportunists’.  In the first case, there probably would be no mention of the tourist’s own respectful and polite body language.  Just as in the second case, there would be no mention of the warnings that there is no single fixed rate and tourists are repeatedly advised not to attempt to change cash on the streets but only at authorized sites, after making their own price comparisons.

These observations were further highlighted when I met with a person residing in Budapest for several years.  I had only just reached the city and his unhappy description of the locals had me wondering how my next few days in this city would be.  He said the language was extremely difficulty, the culture very closed and the people unfriendly.  He used words like ‘dangerous’, ‘rude’ and with genuine concern, advised me to be most careful, especially as I was travelling alone.   After he left, I had to remind myself of my resolution.

I reflected on my experiences thus far and this somewhat strange analogy came to mind – consider the making of a pie.  Suppose it was to rotate as it was baked, but this failed to happen.  Consequently, there may be a part that remains uncooked, a part that is burnt, but also a part that is cooked just right.  Were you to taste a delicious slice of this pie, it would be understandable if you concluded that the entire pie was excellent and the cook talented.  If you got the burnt or uncooked parts, you would probably warn people away from that bakery.  And heaven help if you tried a piece when you were famished and in urgent need of nourishment for the body and soul.  The crushing disappointment would undoubtedly pepper your review of the same.

The truth is that we rarely pause to consider if the slice determining our conclusion is representative of the whole pie. 

Even rarer would be to factor in the degree of awareness with which the sampler tasted this slice of pie.  In addition to personal conditioning, historical experience and mindset, the sampler’s state at that particular moment also contributes to their subjective experience and conclusion.  A tired, confused and apprehensive person is going to bring a different energy to any situation and leave with a different opinion than perhaps someone in a fresh, alert and enthusiastic state.  Our perceived reliability of the source should ideally be critical in deciding how much importance we give to that information.  If the information is too dramatic, positive or negative, we tend to get distracted by that and forget to question the source.

We have an innate need to label and organize information into understandable frames of reference.  Our hope for control over our environment and happiness compels us to classify people, places and things as desirable or undesirable, that too as quickly as possible.  Further, we tend to authoritatively pass on our judgment in oversimplified, pithy labels, which far too often are based on singular slivers of experience.

Just as we are eager to explore as many destinations as we possibly can, we also seem eager to distribute our findings. So before we have returned home and assimilated our reflections, our snaps – and surmises – are up on social media.  Prompting more friends to either add or remove a destination from their bucket list.

Whether intentionally or otherwise, we have further fueled the preference for haste over mindfulness, width over depth and conclusion over openness.

Now all this may be of little consequence when it comes to eating dessert, or of moderate importance in the context of choosing a vacation destination.   However, it may be useful to remember that there can be far reaching implications when we fixate our understanding of people, communities, cultures, nations or their challenges by a similar process of extrapolation.

For my part, I am glad for my resolution.  It reminded me to center myself and explore Budapest bearing in mind this person’s advice – without letting it weigh me down.  Fortunately for me, I got to experience a rich slice of helpful, friendly Hungarian people, beautiful sights, delicious food and excellent wine.  Not to forget, a better understanding of their complex and troubled history.

But if you see more of my snaps or read any of my other write-ups on the place – please do remember – this is just my opinion, based on one short stay!

Are You Singing Your Own Song Or Dancing To Another Tune?

Sing your own song

What is at the bottom of the discontent and restlessness that so many of us are grappling with today? We imagine that we are not good enough, or do not have enough because of the absence of some person, object or circumstance.  In reality, we have it backwards.  Everything that is wistfully parked in the future creates and contributes to an experience of lack. These thoughts concretize the belief that there is somewhere you have to reach, something you have to obtain, achieve or prove – so that you can feel a certain way.

Imagine for a moment that you already have the fame and recognition, wealth, dream vocation, ideal partner, or the vital statistics you have been chasing.  What really comes out of any of this?  A feeling.  A feeling of ease, a lightness of being – the sudden freedom to do whatever you feel like, be spontaneous and unmasked – simply enjoying the expression of whatever emerges from this sense of unbounded potential.

We seek this particular feeling: a sense of completion, wholeness, ease and expansion.  The description may differ for each one, but the bottom line is that you desire to be a certain way.  You want to be in your own zone, your home frequency.

The discomfort of not operating at our natural frequency results in exhausting struggle, intentional and unintentional compromises and manipulations, attempts to control people, events and life itself.  Consequently we remain trapped in a self perpetuating loop of insufficiency, anxiety, fear, urgency and an ominous sense of inevitable failure.  Neediness, dependency, sticky attachment and consequent victimhood all result from losing touch with our Self.

Further, as the ‘objectives’ themselves are subject to change, any taste of security or accomplishment is eventually transient. The consequent despair keeps us in a state of inadequacy and failure.  The very energy we started with itself brings us compression instead of expansion, bondage instead of freedom, fear instead of love.

In contrast, imagine starting from a space of abundance, wholeness and completion.  Knowing your infinite potential, expressing and playing from this space. Wouldn’t the whole journey become an exploration filled with curiosity and lightness? Tuning into our home frequency puts us in that place of wholeness right from the word go.

Dan Millman describes an African tribe that “… recognize that every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavor and purpose.”  ‘Finding Your Song‘ describes how the community supports each individual in anchoring into their own song from conception, through life, until death, in more detail.  (Do follow the link.)

While we are capable of myriad expression, this individual vibration or home frequency seems to be the one we came to ‘sing’ while in this particular form. It just feels right. But how does one embody this way of being?  That frees us from our dependency and attachment to external factors and centers us in the space we have been seeking all this while?  How do we tune into our home frequency?

Here are four suggestions:

  1. Identify –  Devote attention to this critical aspect.  First, remind yourself that  you have already experienced it.  However long ago, and however briefly – you have lived it.  However, you may have forgotten how to recognize it.  What can  help is asking yourself questions like, “When did I last feel at home? In flow? In the moment? Fearless? Capable and Confident? Present? Unconcerned with future outcomes? At ease in my own skin? Generous, warm and open? Joyful? Peaceful?”
    The error one can make is in assuming that this feeling is only found in ‘positive’ situations.It may very well have been experienced in the courage to continue in a difficult situation, in the aching heart after a painful loss, or the heightened awareness in a crisis. This is a zone where we are in tune with the larger picture and know, that at a fundamental level, there is nothing to fear or lose.  It is a state of complete trust and non-resistance.  By limiting our acceptance to ‘pleasure’ or ‘happy’ states we deny our wholeness.If you get specific memories, deliberately relive them in your mind.  
    Pay great attention to body sensations. Notice how you feel, how you sound, how you look in the mirror, your body language, all of it.  Write all this down. (If you don’t recall anything specific, revisit the questions frequently.  The movement will begin at an energetic level.)
  2. Discern - Far too often, your voice has been corrected or suppressed and you may have taken on someone else’s ‘song’ as your own.  You may need to unlearn the lessons of childhood and begin to ask yourself if any superficial comfort truly reflects who you are; if these are your own choices, preferences and priorities, or something you were taught.  We have an inbuilt need to belong and fit in.  In trying to conform, you could be chasing things you don’t even want.  “Who does it belong to” is a useful Access Consciousness tool.  Asking this around a thought or feeling will help you to discern what is yours and not yours.  Any tightness, shortness of breath, uneasiness, heaviness and so forth are all indicators that it is not yours.  This awareness will start dissolving the any distortion and noise.
  3. Anchor, Amplify and Practise -  Because we have become experts at ignoring our feelings, emotions and intuition, we tend to neglect moments of insight and knowing.  Habit and cultural admiration for busyness and stress lends us a false sense of importance. Begin to notice which activities, surroundings and interactions trigger the same feelings that you noted in Step 1.  Create more of these opportunities for yourself.  Repeated encounters will increase the familiarity and ease with which you can return to your frequency.When you notice being in your zone, instruct yourself to ‘turn up the volume’ and deepen the attention you give the sensations.  Train your body and mind to become sensitive to these moments.
  4. Clearings – History has a way of showing up.  Using processes of inquiry such as The Work, and or energy clearing tools like Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT), Access Consciousness or Now Healing, you can reduce the mental and energetic disruptions that prevents you from identifying, discerning and embodying your home frequency.  (Browse this blog for related articles, EFT scripts and other practises.)
  5. By regularly tuning in to our home frequency, while consistently clearing any interference that shows up, we begin to stabilize in our zone.  The more you are located there, the greater the trust in yourself and in the flow of life.  Being present and graceful acceptance of all of life becomes the norm rather than the exception. We finally experience the joy of being ourselves with ease and freedom.

    Isn’t it time to sing your own song?

    If you like the this article, please do share with others.  As Howard Thurman said, “What the world needs is people who have come alive.”

     

    Image Source : Steve D. Hammond, Flickr.com

     

9 Tips To Reinventing Yourself

Anais nin

All around me, I see family, friends and clients re-examining their lives and looking for ways to implement a dramatic change.  As individuals grow in self awareness and clarity, there is a deep desire to embody a more authentic way of being.  A life that honours a freer, transparent way, our innate talents and longings, and the courage to experiment and explore beyond conditioning or societal expectations.

The days of playing safe, conforming and compromising our callings seem to be coming to an end.  I myself have made it a habit to take stock and introspect every couple of years.  Every single time, there has been a deepening and freeing on the inside. Transformation is sometimes subtle.  The changes may or may not be easily apparent on the outside, but we all know when we feel significantly different in our skin.

Movie analogies often help in seeing our predicaments in a simple, direct way.  Much like the struggling actor, you may have battled difficulties, fought inner demons and dealt with much criticism and failure along the way.  But now, finally having found a fair degree of success, achievement, confidence and security, you may be surprised at the extent of restlessness within you.  Do you feel like the star wishing to change the genre of his films?  Instead of a saleable persona, do you now itch to demonstrate your true potential?  Perhaps you seek opportunity to make more meaningful films that may not be as glamorous or paying, but are richly rewarding and fulfilling?  Or do you wish to push the boundaries on what is possible and bring radical change to the industry you work in?  Would you like to usher in greater honesty, respect and mutual appreciation in your work and social networks, instead of remaining embroiled in competition, insecure politics and fake niceties?  For all appearances, you may continue to be a movie star to others. But only you will know if you have finally claimed and owned the method actor you may actually want to be.

Reinventing ourselves requires courage.  If you thought reaching this point was difficult, now comes the greater challenge – giving up the persona and the goals that have driven you all this while.

Once the call for authenticity has been heard, the pain of going against the grain becomes greater than the pain of the previous driver: the desire to have  love and approval from others.  After all, you cannot run away from yourself. As Anais Nin eloquently said,

And the day came when the risk to remain in a tight bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

So here are 9 tips to help you emerge in your full beauty:

1. Remind yourself that you are not your history:  

For the caterpillar
To emerge as a butterfly
It must be willing
To annihilate all self definition
Become the new and yet unseen
Or risk entrapment,
Stagnation. Dying…
Cocooned in false safety.

If you are struggling with whether you should quit your existing role or not it is important to ask yourself, “Am I continuing to stay in this situation more out of love or out of fear?’”.

2.  Create space for the unknown:  Sometimes we are clear about what we don’t want, but not so sure of what we are looking for.  The error is to continue doing and being the same, without creating breathing space for inspiration and insights to show up.  Be willing to sit in the unknown.  Be willing to carve out time from your busy schedule to do nothing.  The gap between thoughts is where the real downloads happen.

3.  Proactively seek inspiration and support:  Amanda Owens defines receptivity in her excellent book, ‘Born to Receive’, as something you do when you receive energy.  So whether it is meditation, a long walk in nature, or inspiring people or resources – do things that energize and motivate you to articulate the changes you sense you need.

4. Fire the Continuity Supervisor:  The movies require someone to ensure that the actors are wearing the same clothes or the props are the same as shot before in an ongoing scene. Much like that, we tend to have an unconscious need to maintain familiarity and comfort.  It is now time to stop trying to be the same, look the same, act the same or keep yourself in the same settings.  Start noticing the urge to settle for the old reference points and consciously remind yourself, “Its okay for things to change.  Its okay for me to change.”  Seemingly innocuous habits can otherwise keep us tied down in history.  For example, if you have habitually had difficulty in refusing others, at the next impulse to refuse, say that no.  Take that small step towards saying ‘Yes’ to your self.

 
5.  Accept that those close to us are often blinded by familiarity.  Accept that initially your changes may be difficult for them to acknowledge or support. Our freedom can often imply inconvenience to others. Our reluctance to deal with these difficult conversations can keep us trapped in playing victims or pretenders.  Be kind, firm and direct whenever possible.  Share your feelings and thoughts with them so that the transition can be as mutually supportive as is possible.

6. Consciously clear any history that weighs you down.  Instead of  denying or ignoring them, begin to notice and acknowledge old fears, emotions, memories and beliefs that come in the way of your growth. Along with awareness, energy clearing tools such as Emotional Freedom Techniques, Access Consciousness, Emotion Code and Now Healing can all be extremely quick and effective tools to unlearn old behaviours and habits.

7.  Release yourself from any oaths, vows and promises you have made to your self. Formally stating your new choices is helpful in undoing many of the conscious and unconscious limitations we may have imposed on ourselves as a consequence of hurt or trauma.  An example: the singer who lost at a childhood competition and swore never to sing in public again because of the humiliation she felt then.

8.  Address any ‘anticipatory’ emotions that are blocking your from implementing change.  Not only the past, but fears of imaginary, projected and dreaded outcomes also block our movement.  These too can and should be cleared (using any tool of choice) to allow ourselves full presence and freedom.

9.  Take action steps – start small if required – but get into the habit of asking yourself. “Is this taking me closer to who I want to be or further?  Does this feel authentic to me or am I doing this for some other reasons?”  And execute a choice based on this conscious realization.  B.J. Fogg from the Stanford University explains how Tiny Habits can help one implement change here.

 

Listed below are some more relevant resources.  It is my hope that this article, along with the many other resources on my site and blog will support those keen on emerging free, vibrant and present to what is alive and true for them in this moment.

If you find this article useful in any way, please do share it with others as well.  It is time for us all to honor ourselves and support each other in a return to authenticity.
Thank you.

 

Related Resources

EFT Script for Overwhelm

EFT Script for The Road Less Travelled

EFT Script for Personal Freedom

The New Beginnings Meditation