This is not the time to give up. This is the time to deepen our practises.
I should be over this.
I have been reading books, blogs and memes,
Listening to podcasts, seeing videos,
Taking workshops, personal sessions
Sharing, venting, journalling...
I should be a pro by now.
Akin to a buddha in a new skin.
Untouched by troubles.
Unfazed by change.
Balanced and energetic,
Without a break.
I expected to be serene by now.
Smiling in the face of all adversity.
Beyond dis-ease, lack, or uncertainty,
An effortless manifestor of my dreams.
With control and mastery over my destiny.
But life is yet challenging...
With twists and turns
That leave me shaken, tired,
Unable to bend things to my will
I resist what is
And a different reality desperately yearn.
Peace evades me.
Resilience falls short.
Depressed and unhappy,
I grow angry and distraught
I look for someone or something to blame...
Is it me? Is it the teachers?
Is it the spiritual path
Or the new age ways?
What has let me down?
Was it all a waste?
Am I so far from the everlasting nirvana
I was so sure I would taste?
Or is it as simple as accepting
The reality of where I stand
Admitting any limitations, misunderstandings, impatience
Also acknowledging that I am not where I started,
Some things have indeed changed
But if I have not got all that I expected
Perhaps the path is not to blame.
While there have been side benefits
Of spiritual tools, learnings and practises
These were not their inherent purpose,
Nor their ultimate gain.
They were intended as enablers
To realise the Truth,
Rise above the game.
To know that nightmares and dreams
Are equally illusory,
And to treat them just the same.
Perhaps it is best to acknowledge
That all the time and effort I have put in
Has yielded some happy results
But prioritising, realising and embodying the larger truth
May take far more application, persistence and patience.
So I give myself a pat on the back
For having come this far,
But make peace with where I stand,
With honesty and without rancour.
There was a reason that monks and the like
Devoted their entire lives to the spiritual ways...
And if I choose to include it as a part time pursuit,
I must accept this slower pace.
In the manifest world,
Natural tides will continue to ebb and flow
Life and death, ups and downs,
Balance and frazzle, will all continue to show.
So I choose to renew my commitment, With consistency, persistence and patience Attending to my need for an immediate, improved experience And the desire for my mind, body and ego To be in a healthier space. All the while remembering That this apparently real and gripping drama Of 'me', ' my life' and 'this world' Is not all there is... A higher realisation awaits.
If you resonate with any part of this, I would recommend reading through this poem again whilst tapping through the EFT points. Repeat a few times, until you feel emptied of all your self judgement, frustration and sense of failure.
Would be happy to hear how it worked for you! Do drop a line in comments below.